July 21, 2021

Opportunity

Opportunity

Stories of being in the wrong place at the wrong time and a bizarre MLM meeting.


Stories of being in the wrong place at the wrong time and a bizarre MLM meeting.  

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About UsWhat happens when you take three people,  put them inside a Secret Government Agency and give them access to the largest collection of folklore, fairytales, and legends that have (n)ever existed? 

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**Down to Folk is a work of comedy fiction.  The views and opinions related within should be taken as such, and are not the views and opinions of the creators, writers, or performers.  No children were harmed while creating this podcast, although, a few deaths have occurred, but that 'twas the Wendigo I reckon.**  

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Transcript
WEBVTT 1 00:00:03.279 --> 00:00:07.669 Welcome, Ladies and Gentlemen, or wherevery you may fall on the spectrum. 2 00:00:08.509 --> 00:00:12.349 This is down to folk. We have, against all odds, made it 3 00:00:12.470 --> 00:00:18.269 two episode nineteen. My prayers for a simple pot fade situation have been denied, 4 00:00:18.429 --> 00:00:21.820 and now I must reach deep in my soul and find the will to 5 00:00:21.940 --> 00:00:29.019 move forward. This week's episode, as always, contains adult themes. If 6 00:00:29.100 --> 00:00:33.219 you are a child, here is a life hack from your old Pale uncle 7 00:00:33.340 --> 00:00:38.890 Lloyd. If you are playing hide and seek, an old discarded refrigerator makes 8 00:00:38.929 --> 00:00:44.369 a great hiding spot. And now sit back and relax as Chad reads some 9 00:00:44.649 --> 00:00:49.090 song lyrics to you that he thinks our poetry. I May as well throw 10 00:00:49.210 --> 00:00:52.920 that out there in case you miss the not so subtle plot point from a 11 00:00:53.000 --> 00:01:03.439 month ago. This is a poem by the American Literary Team of Andre Young, 12 00:01:03.349 --> 00:01:14.670 ohshe Jackson and Ericling. Right cruising down the street in my sixth form, 13 00:01:17.030 --> 00:01:23.540 Jack and the freaks clock in the dough went to the park to get 14 00:01:23.659 --> 00:01:32.459 the scoop. Knuckle heads out there cold shooting some hoops. A car pulls 15 00:01:32.500 --> 00:01:40.250 up. Who could it be? A fresh El Camino rolling kilog. He 16 00:01:40.409 --> 00:01:46.810 rolls down his window and he started to say. It's all about making that 17 00:01:47.129 --> 00:01:56.760 GTA Donald B's in the place to give the pace. He said. My 18 00:01:56.879 --> 00:02:05.189 Man Jed is own freebase. The boy jd was a friend of mine till 19 00:02:05.269 --> 00:02:12.550 I caught him in my car trying to still an Alpine. Chased him up 20 00:02:12.669 --> 00:02:22.300 the street to call a truce. Silly cluckhead pulls out a Deuce, deucee. 21 00:02:23.180 --> 00:02:29.620 Little did he know I had a load of twelve gage. One sucker 22 00:02:29.860 --> 00:02:39.009 dead La Times front page, board as hell, and I want to get 23 00:02:39.250 --> 00:02:46.919 ill. So I went to the place where my home boys chill, the 24 00:02:46.080 --> 00:02:53.919 fellas out there making that dollar. I pulled up in my six four in 25 00:02:53.080 --> 00:03:00.270 Paula. They greet me with a forty and I started drinking and from the 26 00:03:00.789 --> 00:03:08.789 eat ball my breath starts thinking left to get my girl to rock that body. 27 00:03:10.150 --> 00:03:15.379 Before I left, I hit the Bacardi. Went to her house to 28 00:03:15.460 --> 00:03:22.259 get her out of the pad and dumb ass Hoe said something that made me 29 00:03:22.460 --> 00:03:30.129 mad. She said something I couldn't believe. So I grabbed this stupid bitch 30 00:03:30.210 --> 00:03:36.009 by her nappy as weave. She started talking Shit. Wouldn't you know, 31 00:03:37.330 --> 00:03:45.159 reach back like a pimp, slap the Hoe. Her father jumped out and 32 00:03:45.360 --> 00:03:51.479 started to shout, so I threw a right cross cold and knocked him out. 33 00:03:53.520 --> 00:04:00.189 I'm rolling hard now I'm under control. Done wrap my six four around 34 00:04:00.310 --> 00:04:06.789 a telephone pole. I looked at my car and said how brother, throw 35 00:04:06.870 --> 00:04:12.860 it in the guther. Throw it in the gutter, go buy another. 36 00:04:14.379 --> 00:04:21.220 Walking home and I see the g ride. Now cat is driving kilo on 37 00:04:21.379 --> 00:04:27.370 the side. As they busted a you, they got pulled over an undercover 38 00:04:27.569 --> 00:04:35.329 cop in a dark Green Nova. Cat got beat for resistant to rest. 39 00:04:36.410 --> 00:04:44.000 He socked a pig in the head for ripping his guests. Now G is 40 00:04:44.120 --> 00:04:49.199 caught for doing the crime. Forth a fence on the boy. He'll do 41 00:04:49.360 --> 00:04:57.310 some time. I went to get them out but there was no bail. 42 00:04:58.709 --> 00:05:05.829 The fellas cause a riot in the county jail. Two days later in Municipal 43 00:05:06.029 --> 00:05:14.699 Court, Kilo Gee on trial. Cold cut a fart disruption of the court, 44 00:05:15.300 --> 00:05:20.850 said the judge in a six year sentence. A man didn't budge. 45 00:05:23.370 --> 00:05:30.290 Bailiff came over to turn him in. Kiloje looked up and gave a grin. 46 00:05:30.610 --> 00:05:39.639 He yelled out fire. Then came susy, the bitch came in with 47 00:05:39.800 --> 00:05:47.680 a sudden sheen woozy police shot the girl, but didn't hurt her. Both 48 00:05:48.279 --> 00:05:58.069 up state for attempted murder, because the boys in the hood are always hard. 49 00:05:59.430 --> 00:06:03.860 You come talk in that trash will pull your card, knowing nothing in 50 00:06:04.060 --> 00:06:11.860 life but to be legit. Don't quote me, boy, because I ain't 51 00:06:12.180 --> 00:06:25.329 said Shit. No, I am not going to encourage this behavior. Instead, 52 00:06:25.370 --> 00:06:29.009 let's head down to the new and improve fire pit to see what tale 53 00:06:29.050 --> 00:06:46.600 of wonderment Bra Jordan has fought us this week. Tired of having no friends, 54 00:06:46.800 --> 00:06:49.709 no money and no future, wishing your life had meaning, hoping to 55 00:06:49.790 --> 00:06:56.470 leave behind a legacy of legendary proportions, wanting to live forever and love it. 56 00:06:56.910 --> 00:07:01.060 Jonathan read the well designed website and for all these questions, his answer 57 00:07:01.379 --> 00:07:06.100 was yes, and with that he had spent every last penny to attend the 58 00:07:06.180 --> 00:07:12.420 convention that was to be held in Transylvania Louisiana. Upon arrival at the Motel 59 00:07:12.500 --> 00:07:15.290 Transylvania, he was a bit surprised by the amount of money he had spent 60 00:07:15.610 --> 00:07:19.810 and the location of the convention. It was a seedy little rundown motel on 61 00:07:19.850 --> 00:07:26.490 the edge of town. His Room was clean ish. There was a single 62 00:07:26.569 --> 00:07:30.399 pubic hair on the bed pillow. The thing that struck him the most was 63 00:07:30.720 --> 00:07:35.399 how dark and secluded the motel had been. It had a full bar with 64 00:07:35.800 --> 00:07:40.720 no windows, and at the bar sat a smallish and very hairy man, 65 00:07:41.120 --> 00:07:44.509 and the rest of the bar patrons sat in large, dark and booths, 66 00:07:44.829 --> 00:07:49.310 whispering and drinking red wine. Jonathan had plenty of time before the convention began 67 00:07:49.389 --> 00:07:54.029 at nine PM. He thought it was odd that all the events took place 68 00:07:54.069 --> 00:07:58.550 at night, but again, this was his first convention and he wasn't sure 69 00:07:58.740 --> 00:08:03.180 how these things often went. He settled down in his room after a few 70 00:08:03.259 --> 00:08:07.459 drinks and fell asleep. Upon waking at a thirty PM, he quickly got 71 00:08:07.540 --> 00:08:13.290 dressed and went down to check in. The crowd was unique. Business men, 72 00:08:13.649 --> 00:08:18.649 housewives, accountants and goths gathered to register and collect their name tags. 73 00:08:20.329 --> 00:08:24.449 A man by the name of Van Helsing was denied entry and was taken away 74 00:08:24.449 --> 00:08:28.240 by security after making a fuss with some crucifixes and holy water. Other than 75 00:08:28.319 --> 00:08:33.720 that, everything was very well organized and Jonathan found himself, along with the 76 00:08:33.799 --> 00:08:37.320 others, escorted to the front of the convention seating. He looked behind him 77 00:08:37.320 --> 00:08:43.230 and saw a large group of very pale men and women sitting silently down with 78 00:08:43.429 --> 00:08:48.830 dark eyes facing forward to the stage. The doors were closed and everyone sat 79 00:08:50.110 --> 00:08:56.860 in complete darkness. The Room was silent. Then music could be heard, 80 00:08:58.620 --> 00:09:05.220 low and steadily building. It was the theme song from the musical fame. 81 00:09:05.299 --> 00:09:11.330 I'm gonna leave forever, I'm gonna Leone how to fly Hai. I feel 82 00:09:11.409 --> 00:09:18.809 it coming together. People will see me and craft fame. And as a 83 00:09:18.889 --> 00:09:22.769 song played on a small red spotlight flared upon the stage and slowly grew, 84 00:09:24.250 --> 00:09:28.120 revealing a very tall debonair man dressed in a black suit that had the sheen 85 00:09:28.360 --> 00:09:33.600 of black beetles. His hair was long and dark and pulled back, almost 86 00:09:33.679 --> 00:09:37.399 like Tom Cruise and Magnolia, but, you know, taller and not as 87 00:09:37.519 --> 00:09:43.470 Douchey. The song ended and the light faded from red to soft yellow, 88 00:09:43.950 --> 00:09:48.309 like that of being lit by candles in a darkened room. Above the man, 89 00:09:48.629 --> 00:09:52.820 on a large screen in bold red letters appeared living forever and loving it. 90 00:09:54.259 --> 00:09:58.379 Brought you by Dr a mere Coola. The front rows began to applaud 91 00:09:58.379 --> 00:10:05.460 joyously as Dr Coola stepped forward and began to speak. Thank you, thank 92 00:10:05.539 --> 00:10:09.090 you. The so wonderful to see you all tonight. It gives me great 93 00:10:09.210 --> 00:10:13.809 pleasure to invite you to what I have learned about myself and the potential that 94 00:10:15.090 --> 00:10:20.679 you yourselves have yet to this discover. The room fell quiet. Jonathan was 95 00:10:20.799 --> 00:10:26.799 mesmerized by Dr Coola's presence. His voice was exotic and he used charisma. 96 00:10:28.480 --> 00:10:31.960 So you want to have friends, have lovers, have money. So you 97 00:10:33.120 --> 00:10:37.029 want to live forever in in family. Yes, I know this to be 98 00:10:37.230 --> 00:10:41.029 true, because if you didn't, you wouldn't be here. ha ha ha. 99 00:10:43.909 --> 00:10:48.190 What if I told you that to night you would be giving the opportunity 100 00:10:48.350 --> 00:10:52.179 to become part of an elite group that has the tooth to change your life 101 00:10:52.500 --> 00:10:58.659 forever? Not only for you have friends, you would have a family that 102 00:10:58.820 --> 00:11:03.820 would take care of you and provide for you. What would you say to 103 00:11:03.100 --> 00:11:09.090 that? Would you join? The crowd responded with a fervent yes, I 104 00:11:09.210 --> 00:11:13.649 knew you would, and to do so it is very easy. Do you 105 00:11:13.809 --> 00:11:18.600 want to learn how again? The crowd responded, yes, yes, we 106 00:11:18.759 --> 00:11:24.759 would. God, now this is how it all works. I your friend. 107 00:11:26.320 --> 00:11:31.639 I stand up here, but I was just like you and you can 108 00:11:31.720 --> 00:11:35.549 be just like me. I too was alone and friendless until I met someone 109 00:11:35.830 --> 00:11:41.629 who changed my life. I was at dead doors and they brought me back 110 00:11:41.190 --> 00:11:46.029 with the promise that I would live forever and that I too wood have gift 111 00:11:46.299 --> 00:11:52.539 to give to others so that they too could live forever. Jonathan was a 112 00:11:52.580 --> 00:11:56.340 little confused, as this sounded like religion, which he had enough of. 113 00:11:56.620 --> 00:12:03.850 But Dr Coola was so charming Jonathan wanted to hear more. But first let's 114 00:12:03.889 --> 00:12:09.690 go over how this program fooks. And with that Dr a Kula's screen filled 115 00:12:09.730 --> 00:12:16.480 with graphs and charts and tower point slides outlining the various methods of psychology surrounding 116 00:12:16.480 --> 00:12:22.120 personalities. It was also very fascinating and exhausting. At the end of the 117 00:12:22.159 --> 00:12:26.840 slideshow, the lights lifted dimly throughout the room. So this makes perfect sense, 118 00:12:26.879 --> 00:12:31.669 right. I become your friend and in return you'll become two other people's 119 00:12:31.669 --> 00:12:37.950 friends and in return they become two more people's friends and, depending on how 120 00:12:37.029 --> 00:12:41.029 fast you do these items, he pointed at a list of how to make 121 00:12:41.070 --> 00:12:45.860 friends and influence people. The more friends you fill have and the more friends 122 00:12:46.179 --> 00:12:50.860 I have, and the rich if we all feill be not only in friendship 123 00:12:50.259 --> 00:12:54.500 but also in the money, because I am a great friend. The more 124 00:12:54.700 --> 00:13:00.610 people you'll bring to our family, the more access you will have to all 125 00:13:00.809 --> 00:13:05.850 that they bring. Everyone in the room grew more ecstatic at the ideas presented. 126 00:13:07.490 --> 00:13:11.690 Jonathan, however, became a little skeptical. This sounded too good to 127 00:13:11.809 --> 00:13:15.559 be true. So are you ready for the secret that fill give you what 128 00:13:15.720 --> 00:13:18.799 you want? Dr Kolis smiled and for the First Time Jonathan noticed that Dr 129 00:13:18.840 --> 00:13:24.720 Kola's teeth resembled fangs. The crowd was feverish in the response. Yes, 130 00:13:26.279 --> 00:13:31.470 yes, yes, but Jonathan was not so convinced. He began to play 131 00:13:31.549 --> 00:13:35.149 with the ideas presented, and it all seemed too perfect. He remembered an 132 00:13:35.230 --> 00:13:39.549 economics class he had in college, and what the good doctor was presenting seemed 133 00:13:39.629 --> 00:13:45.019 to be very familiar to a scheme he had learned about. But it was 134 00:13:45.139 --> 00:13:48.779 too late. Jonathan realized this as the quiet, Pale members that sat at 135 00:13:48.820 --> 00:13:54.340 the back ushered themselves around the front rows of attendance. They all had big 136 00:13:54.460 --> 00:14:00.450 grins, of jagged teeth and black, soulless eyes. They approached slowly and 137 00:14:00.649 --> 00:14:05.210 steadily. My friends, will drink of your blood and in return, you 138 00:14:05.289 --> 00:14:09.610 will drink of the Arras, and in drinking their blood, you will be 139 00:14:09.000 --> 00:14:16.519 drinking mine, and we will be one Dr Coola's voice raised maniacally as his 140 00:14:16.679 --> 00:14:22.559 friends bit into the next shoulders and arms of the now stunned attendants, and 141 00:14:22.679 --> 00:14:26.750 as the fans punctured Jonathan's neck. He could fill the blood draining from his 142 00:14:26.950 --> 00:14:31.909 body. He let out a whisper upon his dying breath. It's a fucking 143 00:14:33.350 --> 00:14:41.179 pyramid scheme in the room went black. The next evening, Jonathan sat at 144 00:14:41.179 --> 00:14:43.340 a local bar, in a boo with watching the crowd as it came and 145 00:14:43.539 --> 00:14:48.899 went. He saw her and approached her casually, with great finesse that he 146 00:14:48.059 --> 00:14:54.529 was known for. Hello, my name is Jonathan Hawker. She smiled. 147 00:14:54.090 --> 00:15:00.889 My name is Mina. Would you like to live forever? His eyes grew 148 00:15:00.929 --> 00:15:05.649 dark as Mina laughed in his face and walked away. Once a loser, 149 00:15:07.720 --> 00:15:16.919 always a loser. Thank you for listening to down to folk. This episode 150 00:15:16.080 --> 00:15:22.429 was mostly written and performed by Chad and bridge, or them. Distribution is 151 00:15:22.509 --> 00:15:26.830 still provided by the POD fix network. At pod fix networkcom. We are 152 00:15:26.950 --> 00:15:35.509 at DTF stories across social media and our website is DTF storiescom. Support for 153 00:15:35.590 --> 00:15:39.179 this show comes from listeners like Marcie a hedgewood. If you would like to 154 00:15:39.299 --> 00:15:46.419 join Marcia and the rest of our loyal supporters. Visit DTF storiescom slash support 155 00:15:46.539 --> 00:15:50.889 to see how you too can become a necessary to all of this. On 156 00:15:50.090 --> 00:15:56.490 behalf of the Ministry of augmented something, something and a K. until next 157 00:15:56.610 --> 00:16:07.039 week. This is Lloyd Warrington signing off. You've been listening to a podcast 158 00:16:07.080 --> 00:16:11.399 of the pod fixed network. Discover more audible gym was like this. A 159 00:16:11.519 --> 00:16:15.519 pod fix Networkcom make sure to catch up to the minute networks inanigan's by following 160 00:16:15.639 --> 00:16:21.269 at pod fix on twitter, official underscore pod fix on Instagram, at pod 161 00:16:21.309 --> 00:16:25.909 fix network on Facebook, and make sure to subscribe to pod fix presents wherever 162 00:16:25.990 --> 00:16:30.269 you choose to find podcasts. The pod fix network. Artist owned the love. 163 00:16:38.539 --> 00:16:45.340 Hey, Dania, what's up about drop it off files that were Jordan 164 00:16:45.379 --> 00:16:48.730 Kit. Thanks. Man. How's it going? Yeah, I'm A. 165 00:16:48.370 --> 00:16:52.649 I'm a clean break room, I'm a check a water in a tank, 166 00:16:53.090 --> 00:16:56.610 I'm on input trash before leaf. Now, man, like, how are 167 00:16:56.769 --> 00:17:03.720 you? We never just chat. Yeah, I'm I'm A. I got 168 00:17:03.840 --> 00:17:07.839 a actually do last tore me UF ah, that sucks. Man. You 169 00:17:07.960 --> 00:17:11.240 okay? You need anything? Oh, yeah, I know, I'll find 170 00:17:11.359 --> 00:17:15.589 I'm about oil. Okay, I just had a had a diarrhea, real 171 00:17:15.670 --> 00:17:18.549 bighter, so much better now. That's good, man. You got to 172 00:17:18.549 --> 00:17:22.710 be careful with that Mexican food to get you every time. Yeah, I 173 00:17:22.869 --> 00:17:26.750 don't really like a Mexical foot, but I've got a coupon in a mail. 174 00:17:27.910 --> 00:17:30.420 That was a was a good deal. You know, you got a 175 00:17:30.940 --> 00:17:36.660 big plans this weekend. Yeah, I'm a go to Walmart and I'M A, 176 00:17:37.819 --> 00:17:42.299 I'M A, I'm a a Wal Mart. What what you going to 177 00:17:42.299 --> 00:17:48.130 do? And really decided yet. I'll probably go out to dinner with Kelly 178 00:17:48.250 --> 00:17:51.930 on Saturday. Other than that, not much really. Hey, do you 179 00:17:52.170 --> 00:17:55.369 think we can get Harry back on next week? You know, I must 180 00:17:55.369 --> 00:17:59.720 here warrant, and it is a m about that. Disney Lanton so dark. 181 00:17:59.720 --> 00:18:03.599 Our Dr Calahan. No, no, not supposed to be on anymore. 182 00:18:04.480 --> 00:18:07.799 Come on, people really like when he comes on. Oh yeah, 183 00:18:07.839 --> 00:18:11.319 must have warrant. Says as a as a, long as he here. 184 00:18:12.069 --> 00:18:18.750 No more a Mr I mean a Ducker Callihan, because he go he got 185 00:18:18.829 --> 00:18:22.549 be pissed off Ducker hallohand go on a show and go on a vacation. 186 00:18:22.829 --> 00:18:26.660 Come on, don't be scared of wead. He's nothing. Yeah, but 187 00:18:26.940 --> 00:18:33.140 plus a Dr Harry have a new show now. He's a doing a new 188 00:18:33.220 --> 00:18:37.700 show now. You know what, don't worry about it. Don't worry about 189 00:18:37.700 --> 00:18:41.529 it. Yeah, I mean if you want to have them on a he's 190 00:18:41.569 --> 00:18:45.970 a he's. Don't worry about it, I'll figure it out. Oh, 191 00:18:45.009 --> 00:18:48.769 Yo, okay, I'm a Finnish, my choice. I know, I 192 00:18:48.890 --> 00:18:51.849 know, I'm on the home okay. Man, have a good weekend. 193 00:18:52.049 --> 00:18:55.329 Oh Yeah, wait away, I looked your your I looked your hat. 194 00:18:55.880 --> 00:18:59.960 Thanks, man, had a for a long time. Oh yeah, it 195 00:19:00.000 --> 00:19:03.119 does a does a nice hat. All Right, Dana, have a good 196 00:19:03.160 --> 00:19:06.799 weekend. Yeah, you too, Dick.