Sept. 13, 2022

Inside & Out

Inside & Out

Lloyd identifies the shows target demographics, someone goes outside, someone goes inside, and (of course) child death.

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Distribution:The PodFix Network

About Us What happens when you take three people,  put them inside a Secret Government Agency and give them access to the largest collection of folklore, fairytales, and legends that have (n)ever existed?

Down To Folk is manufactured by M.A.S.S.K. The Ministry of Augmented Something Something, and a K.

**Down to Folk is a work of comedy fiction.  The views and opinions related within should be taken as such, and are not the views and opinions of the creators, writers, or performers.  No children were harmed while creating this podcast, although, a few deaths have occurred, but that 'twas the Wendigo I reckon.**

Transcript
WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.240 --> 00:00:11.640 Begin part ficks network transmission in three, two one. Recently someone asked who 2 00:00:11.720 --> 00:00:16.280 is down to folk best suited for. I am so glad you asked. 3 00:00:17.239 --> 00:00:22.440 Down to folk is a collection of stories, both original and reimagined classics. 4 00:00:23.239 --> 00:00:30.120 Our target demographics are people that are into mouth stuff, but stuff back of 5 00:00:30.199 --> 00:00:38.240 the envelope stuff. Tub Thumping, dry humping, wet clumping, Klismaphilia, 6 00:00:39.039 --> 00:00:44.439 people who earnestly say that's a funny instead of laughing. Family Guy Pawn, 7 00:00:44.840 --> 00:00:55.640 family pawn for guys, wirism, exhibitionism, patriotism, necromancy, feeling fancy, 8 00:00:56.159 --> 00:01:03.920 feeling Mannekins, Euriphilia, your a vision failure. Disney adult is Um, 9 00:01:03.920 --> 00:01:11.719 hot wife Ng cool treating, dairy queen ing, spider worship, saying 10 00:01:11.159 --> 00:01:19.159 wow like oh in Wilson, Rheuma, toid Arthritis, Perineum Swiping, doomsday, 11 00:01:19.239 --> 00:01:26.959 prepping, tailgating, roadblocks, road head, Antique Road Show, head, 12 00:01:27.719 --> 00:01:34.000 treasurer hunting, renting Tom Holland's uncharted for a dollar, watching the whole 13 00:01:34.079 --> 00:01:40.000 thing and wishing you had that dollar back, pickle back shots, enjoying blow 14 00:01:40.120 --> 00:01:47.400 jobs, being a sexual little rascal and reverse farting. If you are into 15 00:01:47.439 --> 00:02:00.359 any of those, welcome you are in the right place. Enjoy. Once 16 00:02:00.439 --> 00:02:05.200 upon a time there was a very poor milliner who longed for a child. 17 00:02:06.319 --> 00:02:09.919 Though her hats were beautiful, she never tried to sell them, which was 18 00:02:09.960 --> 00:02:15.719 why she was so poor. It's a tale as old as time. Talent 19 00:02:15.919 --> 00:02:21.759 isn't always great at marketing, and so she made her living spinning Straw into 20 00:02:22.199 --> 00:02:25.599 whatever you've been straw into. That one tart spun it into gold, but 21 00:02:27.080 --> 00:02:30.919 that was a completely different season. I can't remember the episode title, so 22 00:02:30.080 --> 00:02:34.560 you'll just have to go and listen to all of them. You'll know the 23 00:02:34.560 --> 00:02:39.199 one I mean. The poor milliner's name was pillywinks, which sounds odd and 24 00:02:39.520 --> 00:02:45.960 kind of adorable. That is actually the name of a medieval torture also called 25 00:02:46.159 --> 00:02:51.800 thumb screws. Seriously Goog that ship. The story of how she acquired such 26 00:02:51.840 --> 00:02:54.599 a name had something to do with thumb screws and her parents, but they 27 00:02:54.639 --> 00:02:59.400 weren't actually in trouble with the law. I think they had a pain fetish 28 00:02:59.479 --> 00:03:02.199 or something. Anyway, they were dead and not really important to the current 29 00:03:02.240 --> 00:03:07.479 tale. So pillow winks sat spinning one day when she suddenly heard a voice 30 00:03:07.479 --> 00:03:15.680 from behind her. Yo pilly winks, I hear tell you're searching for a 31 00:03:15.919 --> 00:03:21.560 child. Pillow wings had spun to face the strange little man who had appeared 32 00:03:21.560 --> 00:03:25.240 to her. It was especially unnerving as she only spun Straw in her basement. 33 00:03:25.879 --> 00:03:30.599 Whoever this little ship was, he was brazen. I never said I 34 00:03:30.639 --> 00:03:36.319 was searching for a child to anyone, and I'm not searching, I'm spinning 35 00:03:36.319 --> 00:03:39.840 my Straw. The odd little fellow watched as the Straw was fed into the 36 00:03:39.879 --> 00:03:45.039 spinning wheel, only to be spit out the other side, unconnected in any 37 00:03:45.039 --> 00:03:50.840 way. It was literally just Straw. Exactly how it went in. When 38 00:03:50.840 --> 00:03:53.639 the pile on the other side was big enough, by the woman's estimation, 39 00:03:54.199 --> 00:03:58.639 she would walk over, bundle it up and stack it by the door, 40 00:03:59.080 --> 00:04:02.439 where she would then Harriet to market to sell. So basically she sold bales 41 00:04:02.479 --> 00:04:09.800 of Hay. Whatever the hideous little troll screwed up his face. In his 42 00:04:09.879 --> 00:04:15.159 travels he had met such idiots and this poor milliner was one of them. 43 00:04:15.400 --> 00:04:18.879 Look, you want a kid right, you know what you have, you 44 00:04:18.959 --> 00:04:25.439 disgusting rodent. The audacity, that's what that a woman who does not have 45 00:04:25.480 --> 00:04:30.720 a child must want a child is such an archaic and misogynistic notion. Do 46 00:04:30.839 --> 00:04:34.680 you approach men without children with the same questions? No, because they'd kick 47 00:04:34.720 --> 00:04:40.319 your tiny ass. Well, guess what, if I had a rubber hose, 48 00:04:40.399 --> 00:04:46.519 I would be now, Miss I'm magical, like I figured out you 49 00:04:46.560 --> 00:04:49.959 wanted a baby because my magical powers told me so, and it just so 50 00:04:50.240 --> 00:04:59.199 happens I have a baby, if you're interested. pillowing snared her eyes at 51 00:04:59.199 --> 00:05:03.720 the IMP. And how did you get this baby? The man hopped from 52 00:05:03.720 --> 00:05:09.839 foot to foot. That doesn't matter, does it? PILLY winks, you 53 00:05:10.040 --> 00:05:15.480 want it, don't you? Of course she did. She's always wanted a 54 00:05:15.600 --> 00:05:19.399 child, but she knew as well as any one that all children come with 55 00:05:19.439 --> 00:05:24.240 a price, and, for being dumb as a box of rocks, she 56 00:05:24.439 --> 00:05:28.279 was rather shrewd in the matter of dealing children. Put a pin in that. 57 00:05:29.120 --> 00:05:32.439 We'll come back to it. The pair talked long into the night. 58 00:05:33.079 --> 00:05:39.240 The diminutive fugo occasionally danced, the tired milliner yawned and got fucked up on 59 00:05:39.360 --> 00:05:46.279 mead, but eventually they reached a price. One healthy baby boy for the 60 00:05:46.360 --> 00:05:50.959 prettiest hat she had ever made. The milliner went to her cabinet and pulled 61 00:05:51.000 --> 00:05:57.920 forth a shockingly deep blue velvet hat, one adorned with peacock feathers, satin 62 00:05:58.040 --> 00:06:02.639 ribbons, two hollowed round eggs and an etched silver pin that caught the light 63 00:06:02.920 --> 00:06:09.800 just like diamonds. The little man grasped for his prize greedily, and the 64 00:06:09.920 --> 00:06:15.560 child asked pilly winks. Without taking his eyes off the hat, he replied 65 00:06:15.439 --> 00:06:21.000 yeah, whatever. Here the baby appeared in her arms and the strange visitor 66 00:06:21.120 --> 00:06:28.279 disappeared as quickly as he had come. Pillywinks cradled to the child, who 67 00:06:28.319 --> 00:06:34.079 smiled as he slept. Finally, she whispered before tossing the infant into a 68 00:06:34.160 --> 00:06:53.000 large pot. I'm hungry as fuck. It started with the fire. My 69 00:06:53.160 --> 00:06:56.959 job was to write, record and repeat. I had moved out of the 70 00:06:56.959 --> 00:07:00.000 tin can pod and now stayed in the camp studio. It was far more 71 00:07:00.079 --> 00:07:04.120 roomier and there was a sense of calm in the woodland setting. I would 72 00:07:04.160 --> 00:07:08.720 wake up, eat and sit by the camp fire and the stories would show 73 00:07:08.759 --> 00:07:12.680 themselves to me, whether it be in shadows or in the licks of the 74 00:07:12.720 --> 00:07:15.959 flames. It could be a feeling I had or, quite simply, a 75 00:07:16.040 --> 00:07:21.160 voice that would fill my head while staring at those flames. No, I 76 00:07:21.199 --> 00:07:27.000 wasn't on drugs. The fire was a center point of the studio. I 77 00:07:27.120 --> 00:07:30.720 never had to add a log or stoke the fire. It was just always 78 00:07:31.480 --> 00:07:36.680 lit and well in its own way. It would share stories with me, 79 00:07:38.839 --> 00:07:42.759 and so I retold the stories that I was given. Some of them worked, 80 00:07:43.160 --> 00:07:46.600 some of them didn't. Most of the time I stumbled, but all 81 00:07:46.639 --> 00:07:51.560 in all I was doing my job. Write, record, repeat. Then 82 00:07:51.639 --> 00:07:57.120 one morning or evening. I mean the room is always set to twilight, 83 00:07:57.160 --> 00:08:01.000 so I could never really tell, but let's just say morning and this morning 84 00:08:01.279 --> 00:08:05.720 something was off. The fire was low and barely aflame. I walked around 85 00:08:05.759 --> 00:08:11.839 it, seeing it if there was something wrong, but nothing was visibly wrong. 86 00:08:11.199 --> 00:08:18.240 The fire was just not blazing. And then the flames flared and a 87 00:08:18.319 --> 00:08:22.199 digital message flashed above it. Error Four, oh four, it flashed over 88 00:08:22.279 --> 00:08:26.600 and over and over again, and each time the flame flared and then turned 89 00:08:26.600 --> 00:08:31.240 into embers. I sat next to the fire looking at the error message and 90 00:08:31.240 --> 00:08:35.600 trying to figure out what the hell it meant. I mean, I had 91 00:08:35.639 --> 00:08:39.720 my ipad and I did some quick research, but there was no google answer 92 00:08:39.759 --> 00:08:45.639 for mystical storytelling fire air correction to be found. So I packed up my 93 00:08:45.679 --> 00:08:48.759 backpack and headed through the fake forest to the door that would lead me out 94 00:08:48.799 --> 00:08:54.879 into the office building in which the studio lay. To my surprise, the 95 00:08:54.960 --> 00:09:01.080 door was wide opened and a bright white light shone through. I walked through 96 00:09:01.080 --> 00:09:07.440 the door, thinking I'm dead, this is heaven, but no, it 97 00:09:07.600 --> 00:09:13.039 was the hallway of mask, the same hallway that I would have traversed between 98 00:09:13.320 --> 00:09:18.720 the tin can and the studio. In the background I could hear Chad reading 99 00:09:18.759 --> 00:09:22.200 pop songs as poetry. It was unnerving and gave an eerie sense to the 100 00:09:22.240 --> 00:09:28.360 whole scene. I began to walk towards the Tin Can pod, remembering slightly 101 00:09:28.360 --> 00:09:33.080 how to go. This place was a maze of blank walls and doors. 102 00:09:33.639 --> 00:09:37.639 Everything looked the same whenever you turned them. I had learned to read the 103 00:09:37.679 --> 00:09:41.600 signs above the doors and that would help me get back and forth. After 104 00:09:41.639 --> 00:09:46.320 a while, learned the turns and didn't really rely on the signs, but 105 00:09:46.399 --> 00:09:48.639 it had been a while, so I looked at the signs on the doors 106 00:09:48.679 --> 00:09:54.960 to guide me. The magic tailor turned right, baby bear turned left, 107 00:09:56.120 --> 00:10:00.440 then right, summer camp. The door was always covered in blood stains, 108 00:10:00.559 --> 00:10:05.759 but I knew I was close. The Grotto Arials Studio I was close to 109 00:10:05.799 --> 00:10:09.080 the tin can, but this door made me stop cold. It was blown 110 00:10:09.159 --> 00:10:13.440 completely off its hinges, like there was an explosion of sorts. There was 111 00:10:13.559 --> 00:10:20.519 glass everywhere and the carpet was soaking wet. I peered into the room only 112 00:10:20.559 --> 00:10:24.080 to find the grotto was empty. The Serene beach scene looked like Normandy, 113 00:10:24.279 --> 00:10:30.279 bits and pieces of charred debrieze all over the sand. I went to the 114 00:10:30.320 --> 00:10:33.639 perch in which I first met Ariel and it was empty, with one exception 115 00:10:35.399 --> 00:10:39.600 written on the Rock, scratched in the surface. Gone to deal with life 116 00:10:39.600 --> 00:10:43.919 and ship maybe back, but who the funk knows? Fight the patriarch. 117 00:10:46.159 --> 00:10:50.879 I heard a low rumble from the hallway and quickly exit. The rumble was 118 00:10:50.919 --> 00:10:54.120 coming from down the hall. It sounded like machines grinding to a halt and 119 00:10:54.159 --> 00:10:58.679 then trying to start up again. At the end of the hall I saw 120 00:10:58.720 --> 00:11:03.279 the window in which I first saw all of the hanging chads. The glass 121 00:11:03.320 --> 00:11:07.120 too was broken and the sound was coming from just beyond the window frame. 122 00:11:07.879 --> 00:11:13.360 I approached cautiously and then stopped at what I saw. The warehouse of robotic 123 00:11:13.440 --> 00:11:18.919 chats was completely empty. The machines were still working, but there were no 124 00:11:18.039 --> 00:11:22.960 chats to be seen. The sound I heard was the conveyor belt falling apart. 125 00:11:24.000 --> 00:11:30.519 Where the funk was chat and Aerial Dana. I had to find Dana. 126 00:11:30.840 --> 00:11:33.399 The last time I saw Dana he was going down the elevator just around 127 00:11:33.399 --> 00:11:37.120 the corner from here. I sprinted to the elevator and tried to remember the 128 00:11:37.159 --> 00:11:41.240 way he hit the buttons to get us to where we needed to go, 129 00:11:41.519 --> 00:11:45.080 but I couldn't. So I just hit the buttons and shipped out of times 130 00:11:45.080 --> 00:11:48.879 and waited for the elevator to open. And it did and I entered and 131 00:11:48.919 --> 00:11:52.360 the doors closed and then it started to move, but not up or down, 132 00:11:52.639 --> 00:11:58.759 but forward. Mask is a fucking weird place. As we moved forward, 133 00:11:58.840 --> 00:12:01.559 I realized the walls of the elevator were glass and I was now able 134 00:12:01.600 --> 00:12:07.159 to see what I was passing. The whole building was empty, doors blown 135 00:12:07.159 --> 00:12:11.840 off, hinges, glass broken, small fires blazing, lights flickering off and 136 00:12:11.919 --> 00:12:18.000 on. What the funk happened and where was the elevator taking me? The 137 00:12:18.039 --> 00:12:22.840 elevator began to slow down and then stopped gently with a Ding and the doors 138 00:12:22.919 --> 00:12:28.159 gliding open. Before me stood the large wooden doors that led to the library 139 00:12:28.200 --> 00:12:35.279 where I met. It's funny, I can't really remember who was in there, 140 00:12:35.159 --> 00:12:39.639 but I knew these doors and I knew what was behind them. I 141 00:12:39.759 --> 00:12:46.559 quickly exit the elevator and swung open the library doors. The room was empty. 142 00:12:46.919 --> 00:12:50.080 The miles and miles of aisles of books were gone. Hell, the 143 00:12:50.159 --> 00:12:54.639 shelves were gone. The large picture window that faced the forest was the only 144 00:12:54.759 --> 00:13:01.639 light source of the room and the room was cavernous and empty. Well, 145 00:13:01.639 --> 00:13:07.279 with one accepted a chair, a single chair, and on that chair was 146 00:13:07.320 --> 00:13:13.399 a rock, and under that rock was a note. Use The rock to 147 00:13:13.559 --> 00:13:18.919 escape. Come find us if you are lucky, which was all in caps. 148 00:13:18.639 --> 00:13:24.639 You will know where to go, and it was signed L W. 149 00:13:26.440 --> 00:13:28.960 Then the air filled with a loud explosion. I looked back and I could 150 00:13:30.000 --> 00:13:33.159 see the hall I had come in was now ablaze and filled with fire and 151 00:13:33.240 --> 00:13:37.720 smoke. I grabbed the Rock and threw it out the window. The window 152 00:13:37.759 --> 00:13:41.279 shuttered immediately and a rush of air pushed me backwards, and then another explosion 153 00:13:41.279 --> 00:13:46.639 from behind jettison my ass out of the building. I woke up some time 154 00:13:46.720 --> 00:13:50.279 later to find I had landed in a tree. I turned and saw the 155 00:13:50.360 --> 00:13:54.799 large building that once was masked, spewing smoke and fire into the ever cloudy 156 00:13:54.840 --> 00:14:01.240 sky. What the funk was I to do now? All Right, so 157 00:14:01.879 --> 00:14:09.279 I've just been left alone in the flotation room. I haven't entered the tank 158 00:14:09.360 --> 00:14:13.200 yet. Just showered totally nude except for ear plugs to keep the saltwater out 159 00:14:13.240 --> 00:14:18.639 of my earballs. I'm going to bring my recorder inside the tank to give 160 00:14:18.679 --> 00:14:22.879 you a blow by blow account of my float. I'm a little nervous but 161 00:14:24.039 --> 00:14:28.320 excited. Okay, all right, I'm going to get in the tank now. 162 00:14:31.279 --> 00:14:33.840 There's a small door in the wall and inside there's a small room with 163 00:14:33.879 --> 00:14:39.320 a large bathtub. There are about twelve inches of water in the TUB. 164 00:14:41.519 --> 00:14:48.639 It's warm in there, body temperature, I guess. Blue light smells salty. 165 00:14:50.919 --> 00:14:58.480 Okay, I'm getting in. The water feels good. Ah, sitting 166 00:14:58.519 --> 00:15:03.960 down, there's a bit of a bit of a sting from the salt water, 167 00:15:03.039 --> 00:15:07.639 but it feels nice. It feels pretty good. I'm supposed to get 168 00:15:07.639 --> 00:15:13.080 myself situated and then hit the button on the side here to turn out the 169 00:15:13.159 --> 00:15:16.960 lights. There's a button for music. I don't think I want the music. 170 00:15:18.879 --> 00:15:26.639 I want total sensory deprivation. Okay, I'm going to close the door. 171 00:15:39.559 --> 00:15:46.000 Okay, all right, doors closed, and now I'm laying on my 172 00:15:46.080 --> 00:15:52.320 back and I'm floating. It feels pretty good. It feels like floating in 173 00:15:52.399 --> 00:15:58.679 water. All Right, I'm going to hit the lights and get this thing 174 00:15:58.799 --> 00:16:04.919 underway. Here go. Oh, it is a very dark completely dark. 175 00:16:06.480 --> 00:16:11.440 I'm holding my hand in front of my face, right in front of my 176 00:16:11.519 --> 00:16:15.799 face, and I can't see it. I wonder if my eyes will adjust 177 00:16:15.919 --> 00:16:18.960 at all. I'm just going to put the recorder on my chest so I 178 00:16:19.000 --> 00:16:26.240 can put my arms down. M Hm, okay, I need to get 179 00:16:26.440 --> 00:16:33.919 steady. The water is still disturbed. I'm bumming into the walls quite a 180 00:16:33.919 --> 00:16:41.559 bit. All right, steady, still completely dark and I'm just lying here. 181 00:16:41.759 --> 00:16:48.320 I've got my arms on my side. I think that's the best position. 182 00:16:48.399 --> 00:16:53.120 I might try putting them over my head in a bit deep breaths. 183 00:16:53.320 --> 00:16:57.879 I want to get centered and it's clear that I can't do that and talk 184 00:16:57.960 --> 00:17:02.279 into this thing, so I'm going to turn it off. I'll check back 185 00:17:02.480 --> 00:17:07.680 in a bit, unless, of course, I'm on some intense psychedelic journey. 186 00:17:07.759 --> 00:17:11.240 You've been listening to a podcast of the pod fix network. Discover more 187 00:17:11.279 --> 00:17:15.200 audible gems like this at pod fix network DOT com. 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