Aug. 11, 2021

Disconnect

Disconnect

The one with a box, balloons, and a baby.


The one with a box, balloons, and a baby. 

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About UsWhat happens when you take three people,  put them inside a Secret Government Agency and give them access to the largest collection of folklore, fairytales, and legends that have (n)ever existed? 

Down To Folk is manufactured by M.A.S.S.K. The Ministry of Augmented Something Something, and a K. 

**Down to Folk is a work of comedy fiction.  The views and opinions related within should be taken as such, and are not the views and opinions of the creators, writers, or performers.  No children were harmed while creating this podcast, although, a few deaths have occurred, but that 'twas the Wendigo I reckon.**  

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Transcript
WEBVTT 1 00:00:03.120 --> 00:00:07.269 Greetings and welcome to the podcast we all wished had never been dreamt up. 2 00:00:08.150 --> 00:00:12.470 The views and opinions in this episode are highly offensive, to say the least, 3 00:00:13.390 --> 00:00:18.429 but that's why you're here, isn't it? Sit Back, relax this 4 00:00:18.989 --> 00:00:38.609 he's down to folk and joy. Raoul had been walking for days and days 5 00:00:39.369 --> 00:00:42.969 trying to find his way back to the town of his birth. The war 6 00:00:43.130 --> 00:00:47.329 had been brutal and, though the troops had won, Raoul had been left 7 00:00:47.369 --> 00:00:53.840 wounded and penniless upon the victory. Veterans have a history of not being treated 8 00:00:53.880 --> 00:00:58.399 well, even in far back history. It's not just an American thing, 9 00:00:58.439 --> 00:01:03.399 though, on that topic, you know, maybe give a shit. Anyway, 10 00:01:03.880 --> 00:01:07.950 he was bedraggled and had little food. His shoes had worn through, 11 00:01:07.549 --> 00:01:12.709 his hands were frayed and he smelt like dragonshit. Look, he hadn't actually 12 00:01:12.750 --> 00:01:17.989 run into any dragons, nor their excrement, he just been walking really long 13 00:01:18.109 --> 00:01:22.939 time without bathing. I guess my expression was a little hyperbolic, but let's 14 00:01:22.939 --> 00:01:26.019 just say you could smile coming. As he neared the sign for his destiny 15 00:01:26.140 --> 00:01:30.459 nation, he encountered an old hag on the road. He didn't pay much 16 00:01:30.500 --> 00:01:34.650 attention at the time, old hags were a time a dozen. They're kind 17 00:01:34.689 --> 00:01:40.489 of like starbucks today. There was one on every corner. But she addressed 18 00:01:40.489 --> 00:01:46.290 him. Good Morrow Traveler. Would you be willing to help an old witch? 19 00:01:47.560 --> 00:01:52.359 A witch he exclaimed, but she looked harmless enough and he was a 20 00:01:52.400 --> 00:01:56.239 nice guy, he would give you the shirt off his back, though I'm 21 00:01:56.480 --> 00:02:00.799 pretty sure you wouldn't want it. It was pretty ripe and down right ugly. 22 00:02:01.069 --> 00:02:06.349 Frankly, it was ugly before it sank. Just because someone is a 23 00:02:06.349 --> 00:02:09.750 nice guy doesn't mean they have any sense whatsoever for fashion, and back then 24 00:02:09.789 --> 00:02:14.990 fashion was dictated by your station anyway. And he was a peasant. They're 25 00:02:15.069 --> 00:02:20.900 clothes word like capitally fog. So he cautiously asked what the old hag needed 26 00:02:20.979 --> 00:02:25.060 from him. Well, my strapping young man, do you see that tree, 27 00:02:25.900 --> 00:02:30.969 that one with the large hall? At the days? I am old 28 00:02:30.250 --> 00:02:37.610 and taking my neck my back, I try to move and it goes crack. 29 00:02:38.569 --> 00:02:43.169 I need to retrieve a tender box from inside. It's quite important. 30 00:02:44.560 --> 00:02:49.120 The man's heart immediately went out to the old hag. She was as bedraggled 31 00:02:49.159 --> 00:02:53.240 as he was and smelled of sulfur and cooked cabbage, not that he could 32 00:02:53.280 --> 00:02:57.280 tell he was entire we knows, blind at this point, and so he 33 00:02:57.360 --> 00:03:01.629 agreed. The witch paused and told him, I will tie this rope around 34 00:03:01.669 --> 00:03:06.789 your waist and I will tie it to this branch. It's sturdy and you 35 00:03:06.870 --> 00:03:10.310 can lower yourself down. When you descend, you will find yourself in a 36 00:03:10.349 --> 00:03:16.180 room filled with copper coins. There's a dog with eyes as large as saucers 37 00:03:16.539 --> 00:03:21.860 who guards the copper but I will give you a blanket on which to lay 38 00:03:21.900 --> 00:03:25.460 him down and he won't bother you. You can take all the coins you 39 00:03:25.539 --> 00:03:30.289 can carry. The man's eyes were nearly as white as saucers as well. 40 00:03:31.370 --> 00:03:37.050 The witch continued. You will move into a second room which is filled with 41 00:03:37.210 --> 00:03:42.680 silver coins. There's another dog, larger than the first, with eyes the 42 00:03:42.800 --> 00:03:52.479 size of tires. Tires, Oh, okay, they're like wheel things made 43 00:03:52.479 --> 00:04:00.590 of rubber. Rubber, look, they're really big. Okay, Jesus, 44 00:04:00.990 --> 00:04:04.789 way to lose the plot. She went on. Just lay down the blanket 45 00:04:04.870 --> 00:04:09.949 once more. Take the dog and lay him down and he won't bother you. 46 00:04:10.060 --> 00:04:15.620 You can take all the coins you can carry. The man's eyes were 47 00:04:15.819 --> 00:04:21.339 now nearly as wide as you know, whatever as well. Now here is 48 00:04:21.459 --> 00:04:27.730 the final step. Listen carefully, you will move into a third room which 49 00:04:27.850 --> 00:04:32.529 is filled with gold coins. There is a gigantic dog with eyes the size 50 00:04:32.610 --> 00:04:36.290 of, well, I mean the proportionate, to say the least. Just 51 00:04:36.610 --> 00:04:41.199 lay down the blanket one last time. Take the dog and lay him down 52 00:04:41.560 --> 00:04:45.920 and he won't bother you. You can take all the coins you can carry, 53 00:04:46.639 --> 00:04:49.480 but at the back of the room you will find the tinder box I 54 00:04:49.639 --> 00:04:55.470 seek. Take it and bring it to me. When you're ready to be 55 00:04:55.629 --> 00:04:59.550 lifted back up, call to me and I will help to pull you. 56 00:05:00.069 --> 00:05:03.750 Have you thought about Um, you know, putting it stairs or like a 57 00:05:03.829 --> 00:05:10.420 rope ladder or something? She stood blinking at him. Okay, fine, 58 00:05:11.779 --> 00:05:15.259 he thought it sounded simple enough, so he agreed and descended on the rope. 59 00:05:16.339 --> 00:05:20.730 The first room he entered was indeed stacked high with copper coins. He 60 00:05:20.889 --> 00:05:25.370 noticed the dog, who bared his teeth, but no sooner had he lain 61 00:05:25.449 --> 00:05:30.449 the dog on the blanket, it rolled over and fell asleep. He hungrily 62 00:05:30.610 --> 00:05:33.490 grabbed at the coins, stuffing them in his pockets and his Satchel in his 63 00:05:35.480 --> 00:05:40.839 mantis. He scooped up the blanket and moved on to the next room. 64 00:05:42.199 --> 00:05:45.839 No sooner had he entered, he spotted the larger dog, who bared his 65 00:05:45.959 --> 00:05:49.029 teeth, but no sooner had he lain them up on the blanket, it 66 00:05:49.189 --> 00:05:55.269 two world over and fall asleep. Well, everyone knows silver is more valuable 67 00:05:55.350 --> 00:05:59.750 than copper, and so he emptied his pockets and Satchel, pulled the seams 68 00:05:59.829 --> 00:06:03.819 of his manties and emptied the coins onto the floor, which I'm not going 69 00:06:03.899 --> 00:06:06.540 to lie to you. As someone with OCD, this part of the story 70 00:06:06.620 --> 00:06:11.980 makes me cringe. They're separated into different rooms for a reason. Fuck, 71 00:06:12.860 --> 00:06:17.649 fuck, fuck, so he whips up all the coins he can stuff into 72 00:06:17.810 --> 00:06:20.689 look, you get it. Same thing happens in the third room. A 73 00:06:20.769 --> 00:06:24.649 lot of people. I'd like it doc cold whatever. So he's about to 74 00:06:24.689 --> 00:06:29.610 take his riches and leave, but he remembers the tinder box. Spying it, 75 00:06:30.170 --> 00:06:32.800 he scoops it up as well, returns to the opening and calls to 76 00:06:32.839 --> 00:06:39.480 the which, once he is again above ground, the which stares greedily at 77 00:06:39.519 --> 00:06:45.680 the tinder box. It's really odd. So the man asks what's so important 78 00:06:45.720 --> 00:06:49.029 about the tinder box? That is none of your business. Give it to 79 00:06:49.189 --> 00:06:54.509 me, tot tot old HAG. I'd like to know why you want this 80 00:06:54.750 --> 00:07:00.149 instead of gold. That is none of your business. Give it here. 81 00:07:00.860 --> 00:07:05.339 She stamped her foot. Tut Tut, old hag, I will not unless 82 00:07:05.420 --> 00:07:13.060 you tell me what it's for. It's I need it to like my stokies. 83 00:07:14.420 --> 00:07:16.970 He stood blinking at her. Fine, it's magical, now give it 84 00:07:17.050 --> 00:07:23.209 to me. In one fell swoop he lopped her head off with his sword, 85 00:07:23.209 --> 00:07:28.649 keeping the tinder box for himself and continued on to town. Here's the 86 00:07:28.730 --> 00:07:32.040 part where he should be cursed right, I mean, that was a real 87 00:07:32.120 --> 00:07:36.319 douche move. The witch had just given him all the gold he could carry, 88 00:07:36.600 --> 00:07:44.199 and without even knowing what the magic was, you just killed her just 89 00:07:44.350 --> 00:07:49.550 like that. But not all stories have morals, children. Sometimes you're given 90 00:07:49.589 --> 00:07:54.790 a great gift and you take even more, and then you lop off some 91 00:07:54.990 --> 00:08:00.339 poor old hag's head and carry on your merry way, which is ostensibly what 92 00:08:00.699 --> 00:08:03.899 he did. Upon arriving in town, he paid in gold for all the 93 00:08:05.019 --> 00:08:09.459 finer he could never again went without bathing, or I mean look at least 94 00:08:09.500 --> 00:08:15.610 as commonly hiss anybody else. It was pretty gross to live at that time. 95 00:08:15.769 --> 00:08:20.569 But remember knows blind. In the canonical story, he goes on to 96 00:08:20.649 --> 00:08:26.449 find out the tinder box actually controls the dogs from within the tree cave room 97 00:08:26.529 --> 00:08:30.519 thing, and they do his bidding. He has them bring a princess to 98 00:08:30.600 --> 00:08:35.240 him each night. She thinks she's dreaming, because who wouldn't? And the 99 00:08:35.240 --> 00:08:39.759 king and Queen are furious but can't find him. Look if some nasty mut 100 00:08:39.840 --> 00:08:41.990 kidnapped my kid every night to day, could do a Weirdo obsessed with Lin 101 00:08:43.110 --> 00:08:46.750 and lightning shit, I'd be pretty pissed too. Anyway, about a bang, 102 00:08:46.789 --> 00:08:50.110 baboom. He decides he wants to marry her and because she's a twodimensional 103 00:08:50.149 --> 00:08:54.990 fairytale character, she has not say so. When they finally discover the man, 104 00:08:54.070 --> 00:08:58.820 they're about to kill his bitch ass, but he asks one final request, 105 00:08:58.019 --> 00:09:03.299 which is to smoke. He requests his tinder box to light up and 106 00:09:03.379 --> 00:09:07.019 upon clicking at three times, the dogs all appear. He tells the dogs 107 00:09:07.259 --> 00:09:11.370 to Gore the crowd, which they promptly do, slaughtering the king and Queen 108 00:09:11.610 --> 00:09:16.210 and hundreds of villagers. Those still living bag for mercy, and he does 109 00:09:16.289 --> 00:09:20.370 in fact grant it, and they make him the new king and he marries 110 00:09:20.409 --> 00:09:24.759 the princess and they live happily ever after. Y'All, I'm not kidding, 111 00:09:24.799 --> 00:09:28.480 I didn't make this up. It's twisted as fuck, but in the real 112 00:09:28.679 --> 00:09:33.799 story, this story, he finds the tinder box, controls the dogs, 113 00:09:33.879 --> 00:09:39.629 but ultimately he just has them Gore the whole town from the start. Some 114 00:09:39.789 --> 00:09:56.259 people just like to watch the world burn. Good job, aerial, Yada, 115 00:09:56.299 --> 00:10:01.460 Yada, subchun tapped talent board of being bored of Bang. See, 116 00:10:01.940 --> 00:10:07.100 two can play that game. Let's see what Bridg Jordan has cobbled together for 117 00:10:07.139 --> 00:10:18.090 us at the fire pit. Who? Clarence was the youngest of twelve in 118 00:10:18.169 --> 00:10:22.759 a family of fourteen. He hated being the youngest, always being forgotten, 119 00:10:22.799 --> 00:10:28.159 always vying for attention, which in his family was difficult. See, Clarence's 120 00:10:28.240 --> 00:10:35.080 family were clowns, like literally they were clowns, as in circus clowns. 121 00:10:35.870 --> 00:10:39.470 Clarence grew up in the circus with his large family and yes, they had 122 00:10:39.549 --> 00:10:43.909 at one very small car that they all fit in, traveling and entertaining the 123 00:10:43.990 --> 00:10:48.429 world. His family was very renowned and was deemed the best of the best. 124 00:10:50.779 --> 00:10:56.820 However, Clarence had a problem. He suffered from Colophobia, a debilitating 125 00:10:56.860 --> 00:11:01.899 fear of clowns. Now, one would think, how could a child be 126 00:11:03.019 --> 00:11:09.090 born in a family of clowns be afraid of clowns. Well, Clarence wasn't 127 00:11:09.129 --> 00:11:15.129 always aware that his family was clowns. They were normal, everyday people who 128 00:11:15.169 --> 00:11:20.039 went off to work and came home, had dinner and Watch TV Sam's costumes, 129 00:11:20.080 --> 00:11:22.759 because even clowns don't want to take their work home. It wasn't until 130 00:11:22.799 --> 00:11:28.000 Clarence was seven years old that he discovered that his family members were clowns. 131 00:11:28.919 --> 00:11:33.909 The family had left for the show that night, leaving Clarence alone, and 132 00:11:33.149 --> 00:11:37.750 Clarence had fallen asleep on the couch after staying up way past his bedtime. 133 00:11:39.509 --> 00:11:43.110 His family came in after the show, not changing from their clown garb and 134 00:11:43.269 --> 00:11:46.419 clarence his father had picked him up off the couch to carry him off to 135 00:11:46.539 --> 00:11:52.340 bed. Clarence woke up as he was being carried. The house was dark 136 00:11:52.580 --> 00:11:56.700 and as he opened his eyes he saw his home filled with clowns. This 137 00:11:56.820 --> 00:12:01.379 scared the shit out of Clarence. The family tried to comfort him, but 138 00:12:01.450 --> 00:12:05.649 clarence screamed and broke free from his father's arms and bolted out of the house 139 00:12:05.730 --> 00:12:09.210 into the night air. The family stood in their clown costumes on the front 140 00:12:09.250 --> 00:12:15.049 porch calling to him, Clarence, Clarence, come home, come home. 141 00:12:16.240 --> 00:12:18.879 But Clarence climbed up to his tree house and hid. He stayed awake the 142 00:12:18.960 --> 00:12:22.480 whole night while the clowns called to him. He was afraid to fall asleep 143 00:12:22.919 --> 00:12:28.240 because the clowns might eat him. The next morning, Clarence woke to the 144 00:12:28.279 --> 00:12:33.470 rising sun and had determined that he must save himself and his family from the 145 00:12:33.629 --> 00:12:37.149 infestation of clowns. He quickly ran to the only person he knew that could 146 00:12:37.149 --> 00:12:43.460 help, as Morelda, the circus fortune teller. Upon arrival, Clarence banged 147 00:12:43.500 --> 00:12:48.019 heavily on the fortune teller's door. As morelda answered, looking haggard from the 148 00:12:48.059 --> 00:12:54.620 night before, to find poor clarence standing in his PJ's. Oh, Clarence 149 00:12:54.700 --> 00:13:01.450 Casey, why are you here? Has Something happened? She shuttled him into 150 00:13:01.490 --> 00:13:05.970 her parlor. Let me call your mother. No, don't call the house. 151 00:13:05.570 --> 00:13:11.889 There are monsters in the house, evil monsters. They've killed my parents 152 00:13:11.049 --> 00:13:18.039 and my brothers and my sister's clarence tired little voice whispered, I need your 153 00:13:18.200 --> 00:13:22.919 help, as Morelda sat down shocked by Clarence Statement. We must call the 154 00:13:22.960 --> 00:13:28.389 police. As morelda urgently picked up the phone. No, Clarence stopped her 155 00:13:28.429 --> 00:13:35.750 hand. You must help me kill the monsters. As MORELDA was chilled by 156 00:13:35.789 --> 00:13:41.269 the stern nature of the boy's voice. Clarence, she whispered, you're only 157 00:13:41.309 --> 00:13:46.860 a little boy. What can you do? Clarence then looked at as Morelda 158 00:13:48.059 --> 00:13:52.019 and asked her if she could cast a spell that would kill the monsters. 159 00:13:52.620 --> 00:13:54.460 Clarence, seriously, I do this as a parlor trick. I'm not a 160 00:13:54.539 --> 00:14:00.570 magician, as Morelda confessed, but you must know how to do something, 161 00:14:01.529 --> 00:14:07.450 anything, clarence pleaded, his tiny eyes filling with tears. Well, let 162 00:14:07.529 --> 00:14:11.799 me think. She closed her eyes, wishing she hadn't drunk so much the 163 00:14:11.840 --> 00:14:16.440 night before. I have a book of spells that my mother gave me as 164 00:14:16.480 --> 00:14:20.720 a child. I mean, it's just a silly old book, but you 165 00:14:20.840 --> 00:14:26.190 can have it. And Clarence took the book and looked at as Moralda thank 166 00:14:26.309 --> 00:14:30.549 you, he spoke, with a sound of resolution hanging on every word. 167 00:14:31.629 --> 00:14:35.070 He left the house quickly and ran back to his tree house. The family 168 00:14:35.149 --> 00:14:39.220 home was silent and still. The world was quiet. Here in the Tree 169 00:14:39.299 --> 00:14:43.019 House. Clarence quickly rummaged through the book and found a spell that might work. 170 00:14:43.580 --> 00:14:48.419 It had to deal with breaking of an object that would then break or 171 00:14:48.460 --> 00:14:52.779 kill whoever it was aimed at. Clarence looked around and found a bag of 172 00:14:52.889 --> 00:14:56.929 balloons. He recited the spell in his head as he blew up twelve balloons. 173 00:14:56.169 --> 00:15:01.330 His older brother was away at college. He then waited for the clowns 174 00:15:01.450 --> 00:15:05.409 to re appear. Clarence watched the house all day and saw no one come 175 00:15:05.490 --> 00:15:11.360 or go. A COP pulled up and looked inside the windows and knocked on 176 00:15:11.399 --> 00:15:16.080 the door, but no one was there. Clarence had it noticed his family's 177 00:15:16.159 --> 00:15:20.840 car was missing either, but he was convinced that the clowns were waiting to 178 00:15:20.919 --> 00:15:26.269 attack. That night the family car pulled up to the house. Clarence watched 179 00:15:26.389 --> 00:15:31.269 as a large clown stepped out of the car, then a medium sized clown, 180 00:15:31.789 --> 00:15:35.059 then ten other smaller clowns tumbled out one by one. They all looked 181 00:15:35.100 --> 00:15:39.379 very tired and moved very slowly into the house. Clarence knew what he had 182 00:15:39.419 --> 00:15:43.860 to do. He grabbed his balloons and scampered across the lawn and up to 183 00:15:43.940 --> 00:15:48.580 the front door. He peered in and saw the clowns sitting at the table, 184 00:15:48.820 --> 00:15:52.529 heads down, as if praying. Then they began to move around and 185 00:15:52.929 --> 00:15:58.090 make what looked like dinner. Clarence threw the door open and yelled I got 186 00:15:58.169 --> 00:16:02.690 you now, clowns. They all turned and shouted Clarence, your home, 187 00:16:03.250 --> 00:16:07.600 where have you been? And then they all charged towards him. Clarence pulled 188 00:16:07.600 --> 00:16:12.159 out one balloon and then, with a needle, popped it. One of 189 00:16:12.200 --> 00:16:18.590 the smaller clowns grabbed its chest and fell to the ground dead. The clowns 190 00:16:18.669 --> 00:16:22.629 stopped and turned to the little clown. What the? But then another balloon 191 00:16:22.750 --> 00:16:26.830 popped and another clown dropped dead. It took a second for the clowns to 192 00:16:26.909 --> 00:16:30.549 realize what was happening. Every time a balloon popped, a clown died. 193 00:16:32.470 --> 00:16:34.379 They all began to scream at Clarence, clarence, stop, you're killing us. 194 00:16:34.580 --> 00:16:40.059 By Clarence did not stop. Tears rolling down his face, he popped 195 00:16:40.059 --> 00:16:42.580 another balloon. He would say the name of a family member to avenge their 196 00:16:42.620 --> 00:16:48.250 death. With each pop and with each busted balloon, another clown fell. 197 00:16:48.169 --> 00:16:53.649 Finally, one clown remained. It was the oldest of the clowns. Tears 198 00:16:53.730 --> 00:16:59.129 streaked his white makeup, causing blue and red lines to drip and stain his 199 00:16:59.250 --> 00:17:07.400 cheeks. Clarence no, and with that the final balloon burst loudly and the 200 00:17:07.519 --> 00:17:14.240 clown dropped dead. Clarence sat on the front porch, his hands clenched on 201 00:17:14.319 --> 00:17:18.390 the strings of the now destroyed balloons. He cleared his eyes from the tears 202 00:17:18.430 --> 00:17:25.109 he had cried and saw standing before him his oldest brother back from college. 203 00:17:25.869 --> 00:17:29.990 He wore a black leotard and a white shirt with a black vest. His 204 00:17:30.140 --> 00:17:34.220 brother's face was painted white. Clarence then remembered his brother went off to mine 205 00:17:34.339 --> 00:17:38.259 school in France. He didn't know what that was, but it really had 206 00:17:38.259 --> 00:17:45.490 pissed his parents off. Hello, Frances, Clarence whispered. The clowns are 207 00:17:45.569 --> 00:17:52.210 dead. I killed them. Frances ran past clarence and into the house and 208 00:17:52.369 --> 00:17:56.809 not a sound was heard. Frances then appeared from the door and looked at 209 00:17:56.849 --> 00:18:04.960 Clarence and, after a long period of silence, began to speak. Clarence 210 00:18:06.000 --> 00:18:10.440 was shocked by his brother's statement. The clowns didn't kill his family. His 211 00:18:10.640 --> 00:18:18.309 family members were the clowns and Clarence had killed them all. And in the 212 00:18:18.430 --> 00:18:22.869 distance the sound of sirens could be heard driving up the path after a call 213 00:18:22.990 --> 00:18:29.420 from the certain fortune teller who was concerned that something was amisst what happened to 214 00:18:29.460 --> 00:18:33.420 Clarence? I don't know. Maybe you ran away and became a real estate 215 00:18:33.539 --> 00:18:37.900 agent. I mean, what do people do when they run away from the 216 00:18:37.019 --> 00:18:41.650 circus? Rumor has it that, after seeing an old western, he changed 217 00:18:41.769 --> 00:18:45.930 his name to John Wayne, but I'm not sure. The only thing I 218 00:18:47.089 --> 00:18:52.609 do know is that Clarence's spell grew past this horrible night and now, ever, 219 00:18:52.809 --> 00:19:03.680 every time of balloon POPs, a clown dies. Thank you, Brujordan. 220 00:19:04.480 --> 00:19:10.630 I never knew dead could be so entertaining. Let's now reluctantly joined chat 221 00:19:10.750 --> 00:19:22.589 to see what poetry he has on earth for us this week. Cocapelli is 222 00:19:22.829 --> 00:19:30.740 a native American fertility God, which, if you know anything about fertility gods, 223 00:19:30.900 --> 00:19:37.140 it means that this story is going to get just a lot a bit 224 00:19:37.299 --> 00:19:49.970 weird, because Cocapelli is defined by his incredibly long penis, which he could 225 00:19:49.970 --> 00:20:02.200 send out into the world to impregnate women. Now, this particular story is 226 00:20:02.359 --> 00:20:11.589 a story of how Cocapelli one over his wife. Cocapelli had fallen in love 227 00:20:11.789 --> 00:20:21.150 with a pretty young girl and he told his grandmother, who was never one 228 00:20:21.269 --> 00:20:29.500 to mince words and she laughed right in his face and told him, Cocua 229 00:20:29.619 --> 00:20:38.890 Pelly, you are a hunch backed and you are ugly and you have no 230 00:20:40.690 --> 00:20:52.880 chance. But still cocapella insisted, and he is a person who knows how 231 00:20:53.039 --> 00:21:04.869 to win a woman's Love, much like any man who has taken a liking 232 00:21:07.109 --> 00:21:14.150 to a young maiden, he did what we would all do. He stalked 233 00:21:14.230 --> 00:21:25.819 her and watched her while she peyed. He followed her around in the bushes 234 00:21:26.019 --> 00:21:33.089 until he figured out where she liked to relieve herself, and then he dug 235 00:21:33.170 --> 00:21:42.130 a long trench from there to his home and he waited and he waited until 236 00:21:44.490 --> 00:21:52.400 she went to the bathroom and then he sent his magical chanitals into to his 237 00:21:52.519 --> 00:22:00.869 bidding. Short story short, although it was a rather long penis, the 238 00:22:00.990 --> 00:22:07.589 girl gets pregnant, she has a child, but no one really has an 239 00:22:07.710 --> 00:22:18.500 idea as to who the father is. The people decide to present flowers to 240 00:22:18.660 --> 00:22:29.259 the baby, and she agreed because she knew that whichever flower the baby takes 241 00:22:29.940 --> 00:22:37.250 belongs to the rightful father, like you do. The baby, of course, 242 00:22:37.809 --> 00:22:44.319 takes Cocopelli's flower, and the young woman, instead of calling the police, 243 00:22:45.039 --> 00:22:55.680 she marries Cocopelli right there, right then, no questions asked. After 244 00:22:55.759 --> 00:23:02.390 the celebration of his wedding, Cocopelli woke up in the morning with a terrible 245 00:23:02.470 --> 00:23:12.019 hangover and his penis was missing again. It happens all the time. It's 246 00:23:12.099 --> 00:23:18.660 detachable. Now it came in Handy. More often than you would want to 247 00:23:18.740 --> 00:23:22.980 believe, he could leave it at home so he wouldn't get in trouble. 248 00:23:23.660 --> 00:23:30.049 Sometimes he would rent it out when he wouldn't eat it. But now and 249 00:23:30.130 --> 00:23:33.849 then he would get drunk at a party and the next morning, for the 250 00:23:33.970 --> 00:23:40.049 life of him, he couldn't remember what he did with it. First he 251 00:23:40.329 --> 00:23:45.920 looked around his apartment. He couldn't find it. He called up the place 252 00:23:45.960 --> 00:23:51.240 where the party was and they hadn't seen it either. He asked them to 253 00:23:52.160 --> 00:23:56.950 check the medicine cabinet. For some reason he leaves it there sometimes, but 254 00:23:57.109 --> 00:24:00.789 not this time. So he told them that if it pops up, let 255 00:24:00.829 --> 00:24:06.589 him know. He called a few people that were at the Party and they 256 00:24:06.670 --> 00:24:11.420 were no help either, and he was starting to get desperate and he didn't 257 00:24:11.460 --> 00:24:17.900 like going without his penis for too long made him feel like less of a 258 00:24:17.980 --> 00:24:22.980 man. He really hates having to sit down to pee. So after a 259 00:24:25.569 --> 00:24:32.130 few hours of searching the house and calling everyone he could think of, he 260 00:24:32.289 --> 00:24:41.240 started getting very depressed. So we went into town and ate breakfast. As 261 00:24:41.319 --> 00:24:47.000 he was walking down the street, he was on, I believed, second 262 00:24:47.039 --> 00:24:53.269 avenue. There were towards Saint Mark's place, where all the people are always 263 00:24:53.390 --> 00:25:00.950 selling used books and other junk on the street, and he saw his penis 264 00:25:00.430 --> 00:25:07.109 laying on a blanket next to a broken toaster and some guy was selling it. 265 00:25:07.619 --> 00:25:12.220 So he had to buy it. Offer this man he wanted twenty two 266 00:25:12.259 --> 00:25:15.859 dollars for it. He talked him down to seventeen. He took it home 267 00:25:15.900 --> 00:25:21.609 and washed it off and put it back on and he was happy again. 268 00:25:22.930 --> 00:25:36.440 Complete. Sometimes he thinks about getting it permanently attached, but even though it's 269 00:25:36.480 --> 00:26:00.390 a pain in the ass, Cocopelli likes having a detachable penis. I really 270 00:26:00.470 --> 00:26:04.740 thought that bitch was finally over, but I guess we're shifting into obscure nineties. 271 00:26:04.819 --> 00:26:08.980 No hit one does now, Yippie. Thank you for listening to down 272 00:26:10.019 --> 00:26:15.140 to folk. This episode was mostly written and performed by aerial Chad and Brajordan. 273 00:26:17.220 --> 00:26:22.410 Distribution is still provided by the pod fix network at pod fix networkcom. 274 00:26:22.250 --> 00:26:27.250 In Breaking News, there will be a virtual Premiere Party for Episode Twenty Five, 275 00:26:27.289 --> 00:26:33.039 featuring the holy trinity of Blah and other special guests. Stay tuned to 276 00:26:33.079 --> 00:26:40.240 DTF stories on all social platforms and DTF Storiescom for all the details as they 277 00:26:40.319 --> 00:26:45.079 come available. Support for this show comes from listeners like our favorite kitchenet, 278 00:26:45.240 --> 00:26:49.230 Ronda. If you would like to join Ronda and the rest of our loyal 279 00:26:49.349 --> 00:26:56.069 supporters, visit DTF Storiescom. Slash support. On behalf of the Ministry of 280 00:26:56.190 --> 00:27:02.700 augmented something, something and a K. until next week. This is Lloyd 281 00:27:02.779 --> 00:27:11.539 Warrington signing off. You've been listening to a podcast of the pod fix network. 282 00:27:11.859 --> 00:27:15.130 Discover more audible gym's like this at pod fix networkcom. Make sure to 283 00:27:15.170 --> 00:27:19.250 catch up to the minute networks and Aigan's by following at pod fix on twitter, 284 00:27:19.569 --> 00:27:23.970 official underscore pod fix on Instagram, at pod fix network on Facebook, 285 00:27:25.450 --> 00:27:29.569 and make sure to subscribe to pod fix presents wherever you choose to find podcasts. 286 00:27:30.160 --> 00:27:44.039 The pod fix network artist own the mud. Well, well, well, 287 00:27:44.119 --> 00:27:48.750 if it isn't Electricia and back, I will forego the introductions, as 288 00:27:48.829 --> 00:27:55.670 you very well know exactly who this is. Please refrain from your threatening messages 289 00:27:55.789 --> 00:28:00.420 and go back to doing what you're good at, nothing, I mean procrastinating. 290 00:28:02.579 --> 00:28:06.740 But Jordan is quite happy where he is and has no desire to rejoin 291 00:28:06.859 --> 00:28:11.740 the ranks of your benchkins. Besides, even if you had him back, 292 00:28:11.859 --> 00:28:15.130 you would only have to carry his load, since he would more than likely 293 00:28:15.210 --> 00:28:19.410 be hung over. Girls, have you ever considered that the podcast game is 294 00:28:19.490 --> 00:28:25.250 not for you? Might Guy, suggest going back to advanced guard Barby playtime 295 00:28:25.329 --> 00:28:30.400 or some sort of interpretive dance? Also, they are poll forceps, not 296 00:28:30.599 --> 00:28:37.039 medical tomes. Just thought I would told you that. At any rate, 297 00:28:37.480 --> 00:28:42.269 good luck in your endeavors and if you would kindly fuck off, Warrington out. 298 00:28:49.150 --> 00:29:02.259 Yes, MR C but so that will be a disastrous this is the 299 00:29:02.380 --> one