Chad results to blackmail to get time off, while Dana is consoled.
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CreditsHost:
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Special Guest:
Today’s Poetry Selection:
“Call Me Al” - Paul Simon
Stories:
Last House on the Left - BrJordanJack and The Beanstalk - Ariel
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Down To Folk is manufactured by M.A.S.S.K. The Ministry of Augmented Something Something, and a K.
**Down to Folk is a work of comedy fiction. The views and opinions related within should be taken as such, and are not the views and opinions of the creators, writers, or performers. No children were harmed while creating this podcast, although, a few deaths have occurred, but that 'twas the Wendigo I reckon.**
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Transcript
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Previously on down to folk, more
like that's some point last week. Buried
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00:00:05.879 --> 00:00:09.470
in all of Chad's bullshit, was
this critical piece of the story that we
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00:00:09.550 --> 00:00:16.309
are kicking the show off with.
In case you missed it. Yeah,
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00:00:17.390 --> 00:00:49.049
Hey, Oh, hello, Day
Dad. No, no, no,
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00:01:00.600 --> 00:01:22.980
Hey, hey, my, my, what do you where? Do you
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00:01:23.099 --> 00:01:34.730
think happened? Towards the window?
Who? I reckon seasons greetings and welcomed
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it down to Falk. My Name
is Jessica Johnson, and this week we
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have oh hey, Chad, hey
jes I have someone coming in to fill
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in for me. Is Everything okay? Yeah, but with everyone, you
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know I'm taking off. I figured
I would just, you know, chill.
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You know what our vacation policy is
here. Oh, I'm not taking
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vacation, I'm just, you know, now working. Mr Warrington has explicit
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rules regarding you know, I don't
listen to what Lloyd says. So I'm
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going to need you're going to need
to keep your mouth shut where there's going
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to be a huge video week of
hours of compromising videos involving you and you
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know who. You wouldn't do that. I don't want to. You know
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how I feel about giving up my
private collection, but you want to play
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hard ball, I'm game. Fine, we are thing, but those videos
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go nowhere. Good girl. Thank
you. First up this week we have
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aerial. Of course you're going to
put her up first. Are you done?
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No, probably not. You're disgusting. The cow was a bit of
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a burden. Every Day Jack had
to make the same track to try to
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sell the wretched thing. It wasn't
the prettiest looking cow, as she grown
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old and skinny. Her eyes were
too small and her ears were too big
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and her hoofs were too long and
her tail was too short. Still,
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some one must be in need of
a cow, and a little silver would
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go a long way to feed the
boy and his mother. Now, this
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day, as he walked along,
he encountered a funny little man in a
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coat that was too tight, pants
that were too loose, hair that was
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too thin on his head and too
thick on his hands. Hello boy,
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what brings you this way to day? Jack smiled politely and told the strange
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man how every day he goes to
the market to try to sell the cow,
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this fine creature. The Stranger replied
yes, said Jack, a little
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silver would go a long way to
feed myself and my mother. The Stranger
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looked over the cow, whose face
was a little too wide and its teeth
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a little too dull to day's your
lucky day, my boy. I'll take
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her off your hands. Jack's eyes
grew wide. You mean it, sir?
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Yes, of course, my boy, for these five beans, bees,
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beans, beans. Okay, you're
not on board. Let me try
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this again. What if I told
you they were magic beans? Jack looked
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skeptical. Mister, I'm not an
idiot. There's no such thing as magic
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beans. All the magic I've ever
seen has been because of the MESCAL and
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I put in my morning milk.
The man stood blinking at the boy,
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whose hair was too neat and whose
clothes were too messy and his finger nails
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too long and his trousers too short. Okay, just stay with me here.
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Watch the man tossed one bean on
to the ground. The earth began
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to shake around them and a bean
stalk began to grow at least ten feet
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tall. Whoa Jack uttered as he
looked back and forth from the bean stalk
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to the man with the beans.
You've got a deal, MR the man
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handed the beans to Jack and took
hold of the cow's harness, leading the
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animal away. Jack through the beans
to the ground and the rumbling started up
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again, but this time the bean
stalk kept growing and growing, the size
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of a tree around, rising all
the way up into the clouds. Jack
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decided he was going to climb up
to see if there were other surprises at
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its peak. This wasn't a good
idea, but the mascaline. Just as
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he neared a break in the clouds, he heard a booming. Boys,
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five Foo Fum, I smell the
blood of an Englishman. Oh Welsh Jack
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sputtered. WHO said that? Boomed
the giant that stood before or Jack,
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who still hid within the cloud?
Just a lowly peasant giant, the son
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of a humble farmer. And I'm
pretty sure the woman I live with isn't
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my real mom. If she's real, I don't know. From day to
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day we look literally nothing alike,
and I was raised by rumble still skin
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in my early years, so I
think my real mom didn't want me.
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Rumble stillskin took me and then hawked
me off on this poor tart who really
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longed for a baby, something about
her firstborn being snatched, by which I
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don't know. I'm Jack, though. The giant stood blinking at Jack,
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who had since abandoned his hiding place. Oh Nice to meet you jack.
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Where did that bean stock come from? Jack shrugged. Obviously he knew,
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but like lying, came really naturally
to him. He's kind of like Julian
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that way. Regardless, the giant
seemed like a friendly enough fellow. He
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invited Jack into his sky mansion in
the clouds to have a spot of tea,
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Welsh tea, not that English crap
that he and the giant agree neither
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cared for. Is that why you
do the bit about smelling the blood of
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an Englishman? The giant laughed,
a hearty laugh. Yes, it is,
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my boy. Have you ever really
smelled the blood if an Englishman?
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Well, the giant considered this.
No, I guess I haven't. How
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about a Welshman? Well, the
giant considered again. No, I guess
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I haven't. How about a giant's
blood? Well, no, I guess
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I haven't. Jack's eyes flashed.
The gentle giant sat there pondering, his
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mustache too curly and his beard too
straight, his arms too bulging. Considering
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it was obvious, he skipped like
day. Jack leered and pulled Akbar knife
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from his SATCHEL. And began to
drive it again and again into the giant's
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neck. The giant's eyes grew wide, but before he could even react,
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it was clear he was losing an
enormous amount of blood. Jack left the
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K bar protruding from his throat as
he looked around at what he could pocket
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before returning to the ground below.
He sapped the rest of his tea,
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winked at the giant and headed back
down the deep bean stalk with his spoils.
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This time was even more fun than
the well. Jack's feel pastard now.
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I mean he really is like remember
when I talked about his whole Mom
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Dad, rumble stillskin thing? God, I hope so. You were literally
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there for it, I mean listening. You weren't like there. Look,
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you get it. Thank you,
Ariel. That was simply wonderful, as
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always. Next up we have for
Jordan at the campfire with another example of
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proper storytelling. Orville and Agnes love
driving at night. They were part of
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that generation that would get into their
classic car and drive through downtown, taking
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in the lights and sound of an
autumn night. Often they would end up
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driving on the back roads, enjoying
the night sky free from the light pollution
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of their town. Agnes was a
kind and loving woman who was always taking
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care of people. She volunteered at
the local shelters and food banks. She
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made quilts for the homeless, complete
with a small patch stating made with love
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by Agnes. Weather all, she
always had a stack of them in her
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car just in case she and Orville
happened upon someone who needed a warm blanket.
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She was that kind of person.
Orville was the perfect match for Agnes.
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He too was a kind hearted man. He volunteered with habitat for humanity
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and meals on wheels. He loved
talking to anyone and everyone and listened intently
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to what they had to share.
But when they drove together it was just
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the two of them, lost in
the world of nighttime wonder. One night,
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while driving, a heavy fog crept
quickly onto the road. Od orval
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pulled over and put the roof back
on the convertible. Agnes pulled a blanket
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from out of the stack and the
back seat and wrapped herself up to keep
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warm. Orville returned to the car
and the car filled with light from an
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oncoming truck. Agnes and Orville startled
at the truck and the truck honked its
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horn as it drove by, scaring
the life out of them. They sat
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in silence in the car, shot
but safe from what could have been a
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disaster. Let's go home, agnes
whispered to Orville. Yes, let's.
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Orville agreed, and so, in
the thick fog night, agnes and Orville
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headed home with caution, Agnes's hand
rested on Orville's leg, and reassurance that
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they would get home safely. Then, out of the fog, agnes saw
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something or someone standing on the right
side of the road. Pull over,
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or v Agnes said, pointing to
the half shaped figured enveloped in wisp of
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fogs. There is someone there.
It's not safe to pull over here and
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we already had one near death experience
tonight. Even as he said the words,
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he found himself pulling over to the
side of the road. From the
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gray white blanket of missed a figure
to approach the car. It was a
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young woman wearing a black and white
houndstooth pattern miniskirt and a soft pin ink
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blouse with a white card again.
She looked as if she had been crying.
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She looked like she was scared.
Agnes rolled down the window are you
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okay? Do you need help?
The young woman answered yes, my car
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broke down and and I was heading
home, but this fog, she gestured
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to the air, came in so
fast and and now I am lost.
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Where's your home? Orville, inquired
from the driver's side of the car.
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Four to five elk grove. It's
not far from here. The young woman
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answered, you're right, it's just
up the street. We can take you
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there if you'd like. Orvald ask
with the care of a father. That
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would be wonderful. If it isn't
any trouble. The Young Woman's tired face
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lightened up with a wearied smile.
It would be more trouble to US leaving
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you here. I wouldn't be able
to sleep knowing you were out here lost.
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Agnes replied. Get in, we'll
take you home, and the young
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woman approached the car. She was
very thin and the night air made her
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look ghostly. She opened the door
and got into the back seat. Grab
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a quilt and get yourself warm,
Agnes said sweetly. My name is agnes
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and this is Orville. Make yourself
comfortable. We aren't too far from your
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home. In fact, we live
near Your House, so this is just
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serendipitous that we found you. or
fill chuckled kindly. Thank you, thank
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you so much, the girl said
quietly, with exhausted relief. It's so
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very kind of you. They drove
off into the fog with a peaceful silence.
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The radio played dream, a little
dream Sung by Mama cast the fog
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gave the drive and otherworldly feel,
just the three of them venturing forward listening
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to music. What has you on
the road so late at night? Or
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the last making conversation, not meaning
to pry out with some friends? It
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isn't normally an issue, but this
truck came barely down the road and approached
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me so quickly. I pulled over, scared and well, the car got
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stuck in a ditch. I started
to walk home. I figured I wasn't
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so far from home, but the
fog got thicker and thicker and well,
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I got turned around. I prayed
that someone would find me, and that's
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when you two showed up. Thank
God. The young woman spoke with gentle
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00:14:24.750 --> 00:14:30.029
relief. My parents are going to
kill me, she laughed. Oh they
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00:14:30.110 --> 00:14:33.470
won't kill you, Agnes smiled.
They will be relieved that you made it
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00:14:33.629 --> 00:14:39.259
home safely. If we had children
we would be worried about this fog and
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00:14:39.379 --> 00:14:43.940
our child getting home. You've already
survived the first part. Now we are
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00:14:43.059 --> 00:14:48.019
taking care of the second part.
Or will cheerfully tapped his hands on the
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staring wheel. We had the same
issue with that same truck. We pulled
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over to to put the roof on
the car and it came screaming out of
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nowhere. It's lucky we are alive, but I guess that truck was meant
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to bring us together. Agnes spoke
with a gentle motherly tone. The fog
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slowly began to thin as they approached
the suburb. A couple of turns and
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they soon were at the young woman's
home. My House is the last house
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on the right, the young woman
directed. The fog had lifted, revealing
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a clear night sky. The young
woman got out of the car wrapped in
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one of Agnes's quilts. Oh,
here's your quilte back, the young woman
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spoke, realizing she was still wrapped
in it. Keep it, my dear,
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I have plenty. Agnes laugh.
Plus, it will remind you of
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this evening. I don't think I
will ever forget this evening. The young
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woman laughed and laughed a relief.
Thank you. Thank you again. Agnes
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and Orville waited to see that the
young woman got into her house safely and
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once she was in and had waved
to them, the two drove home.
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The next morning the young woman awoke
and immediately wanted to do something to thank
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the couple that gave her a ride
home. She found Agnes's last name him
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on the patch of the quilt and
would find out where they lived. They
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said they live nearby, so maybe
she could drive there after she and her
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dad went to get her car.
Noticing that she hadn't changed her clothes before
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falling asleep, the young woman wrapped
Agnes's quilt around her and headed downstairs.
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She stopped midway when she heard crying
from the living room. She moved slowly
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downstairs and saw her mother and father
sitting with a police officer. I'm sorry
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00:16:41.460 --> 00:16:45.460
to tell you this. The officer
spoke in a soft, regretful manner,
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but your daughter was found on the
side of the road last night. She
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was hit by the same truck that
killed an elderly couple who were putting a
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roof bag on their convertible. Apparently
the truck driver was unaware that he had
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killed three people. He was drunk
and the fog was thick. We haven't
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00:17:04.319 --> 00:17:11.200
in custody now the young woman froze
and, disbelieve it, she wanted so
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00:17:11.279 --> 00:17:15.559
much to stay and to listen to
what was happening, but she stopped at
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00:17:15.599 --> 00:17:19.109
the front door when she heard Dream, a little dream sin by MAMA CASS
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coming from the front yard. She
stepped outside and saw Agnes and Orville standing
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next to the car just in front
of her house. So I guess you
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00:17:32.259 --> 00:17:37.380
know. We just found out ourselves. Agnes spoke to the young woman with
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the hint of sadness. What do
we do now, the young woman asked,
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as she approached the car. There
was a long silence between the three
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of them. I guess we drive. Orville laughed, a hollow laugh.
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I guess we drive. The Young
Woman concurred, and with that the young
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woman got into the car and the
three of them drove off into the first
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light of morning. I I get
Keith. The Chad said I'd be on
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00:18:19.029 --> 00:18:26.829
the list today. Napod Pomo thing
he did with the poetry is throats a
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00:18:26.869 --> 00:18:32.460
little little messy now. He asked
me to come down and read some poetry.
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00:18:33.019 --> 00:18:40.460
told me that whistles, ask for
Lloyd or Dana or whober even I
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00:18:40.500 --> 00:18:44.130
get somebody would point me. Welcome. The Piano is over there, the
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00:18:44.250 --> 00:18:49.490
piano I got. You expect me
play piano to you guys. Made me
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00:18:49.609 --> 00:18:52.809
do some some editing work. I
don't do that, but you'll figure out,
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00:18:52.849 --> 00:18:59.599
I'm sure. But just hit record
and Ankie, I got your man.
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00:19:00.240 --> 00:19:02.160
If you don't mind, turn the
other way. I did. I
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00:19:02.240 --> 00:19:04.559
have trouble of people look at me
when I do the poetry stuff of it.
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Is that better? Thanks. A
man walks down the street. He
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00:19:14.829 --> 00:19:21.470
says, why am I soft in
the middle now? Why am I soft
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00:19:21.589 --> 00:19:26.940
in the Middle? The rest of
my life is so hard? I need
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00:19:26.980 --> 00:19:34.259
a photo opportunity. I want a
shot at redemption. Don't want to end
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00:19:34.299 --> 00:19:45.650
up a cartoon in a cartoon graveyard, bone digger, bone digger dogs in
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00:19:45.730 --> 00:19:52.730
the moonlight, far away in my
well lit door. Mister, beer belly,
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00:19:52.359 --> 00:19:57.799
beer belly, get these muts away
from me. You know I don't
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00:19:57.799 --> 00:20:07.309
find the stuff amusing anymore. But
if you'll be my bodyguard, I can
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00:20:07.349 --> 00:20:14.990
be your long lost pal. I
can call you betty, and Betty will
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00:20:15.029 --> 00:20:21.660
you call me? You can call
me AL, a man walks down the
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00:20:21.740 --> 00:20:27.779
street. He says, why am
I short of attention? got a short
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00:20:27.819 --> 00:20:37.809
little span of attention and whoe my
nights are so long. Where's my wife
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00:20:38.450 --> 00:20:47.450
and family? What if I die
here? Who will be my role model
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00:20:48.490 --> 00:20:56.000
now that my role model is gone, gone? He ducked back down the
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00:20:56.079 --> 00:21:03.670
alley with some Rollie polly little bat
faced girl. All along, all along,
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00:21:04.829 --> 00:21:12.150
there were incidants and accidents. There
are hints and allegations. But if
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00:21:12.190 --> 00:21:19.140
you'll be my bodyguard, I can
be your long lost pal. I can
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00:21:19.299 --> 00:21:26.180
call you betty, and Betty,
when you call me, you can call
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00:21:26.299 --> 00:21:36.730
me how call me. Yeah,
I just saw. I just understand how
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00:21:36.809 --> 00:21:41.170
this can happened. There are many
mysteries in this world that we will never
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00:21:41.210 --> 00:21:45.210
understand. Yeah, I just wish
I could go back and see what,
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00:21:45.690 --> 00:21:49.880
see what happened. You mustn't look
back, you can only look forward.
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00:21:51.240 --> 00:21:53.880
Yeah, but I think this is
a sign that you must move the narrative
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00:21:55.039 --> 00:22:02.309
forward and continue the legacy your parents
established. Yeah, but I'm a I'm
235
00:22:02.430 --> 00:22:06.509
not a I'm not special like like
they were. I'm at just a guy
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00:22:06.589 --> 00:22:11.269
that you were, the one that
will continue to lead us. This is
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00:22:11.430 --> 00:22:17.460
your worst to move to the next
level. Yeah, so I like I
238
00:22:17.619 --> 00:22:22.059
like a like a boss now.
No, I am the boss. Yeah,
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00:22:22.099 --> 00:22:26.619
it's all. I'm like. I'm
like assessing boss, more the assistant
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00:22:26.819 --> 00:22:33.009
to the boss. Oh, yeah, okay, can I? Can?
241
00:22:33.049 --> 00:22:36.569
I? Can I get a get
a business card, and may do.
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00:22:36.769 --> 00:22:40.490
Yes, but you will need to
go back and help the others. Yeah,
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00:22:40.569 --> 00:22:45.319
but my mom and I will stay
and clean this up. They deserve
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00:22:45.599 --> 00:22:49.920
better than this. Oh, yeah, it does. Is Is that you
245
00:22:51.000 --> 00:22:56.079
have phone? It could wait.
It is an important you are all that
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00:22:56.240 --> 00:23:00.390
matters. Yeah, but I really
would like to go back and Dina.
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00:23:00.630 --> 00:23:07.309
The Path is set. You need
to promise that you will not look back.
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00:23:07.509 --> 00:23:14.220
All that is behind us is pain
and death. Remember, we are
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00:23:14.380 --> 00:23:19.819
here because I have protected you.
I brought you light in the void.
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00:23:21.500 --> 00:23:25.579
Yeah, you did, but I
like, I like that. It's a
251
00:23:26.180 --> 00:23:30.130
it's a nice now, but still, if we could just know, get
252
00:23:30.170 --> 00:23:37.089
that thought out of your your head
and push further into the light. I
253
00:23:37.289 --> 00:23:42.960
need you focused. I need you, now more than ever, to trust
254
00:23:44.160 --> 00:23:49.880
me when I say that the past
holds only the pain that we have escaped.
255
00:23:51.720 --> 00:23:56.950
But you need to return now to
the others and keep everything running smoothly,
256
00:23:56.990 --> 00:24:03.430
as you have yeah, but I
can't, I can't go back right
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00:24:03.470 --> 00:24:07.789
now. I gotta, I gotta
go staples and get me and give me
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00:24:07.829 --> 00:24:11.140
a business card. Yes, you
could go get business cards on the way
259
00:24:11.259 --> 00:24:18.779
back, but you need to leave
now and go and go back. Yes,
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00:24:18.859 --> 00:24:23.140
somebody, somebody blowing up both bowing
your phone up. You should probably
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00:24:23.609 --> 00:24:29.849
get that. Don't worry about that. My priority is to get you back
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00:24:30.049 --> 00:24:34.009
to the others and get this mess
cleaned up. Yeah, and yeah,
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00:24:34.009 --> 00:24:38.960
and I need and make sure you
get your business cards. Yes, yeah,
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00:24:40.000 --> 00:24:44.160
okay, I'm a I'm gonna go
staples and then I'll go back at
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00:24:44.240 --> 00:24:48.839
mask and and check on those guys. Thank you, Dana. You're a
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00:24:48.960 --> 00:24:56.150
good friend and I am sorry for
your loss. You've been listening to a
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00:24:56.230 --> 00:24:59.509
podcast of the pod fix network.
Discover more audible gym's like this at pod
268
00:24:59.589 --> 00:25:03.710
fix networkcom. Make sure to catch
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269
00:25:03.789 --> 00:25:08.579
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270
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271
00:25:14.259 --> 00:25:18.660
Wherever you choose to find podcasts,
the pod fix network artist owned in
272
00:25:18.740 --> 00:25:36.960
love. Wonder if you two will
fit in the firepit here now, too
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00:25:37.000 --> 00:25:49.029
much hasslea. You can just continue
to rot here. Hello, old friend,
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00:25:52.430 --> 00:25:57.910
splendid. No, no, the
kid is on his way back.
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00:26:00.470 --> 00:26:10.059
No, we have time before he
gets here. Of course, I don't
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00:26:10.140 --> 00:26:22.569
want to deny you that. Ogreed, ogreed, I will see you soon
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00:26:26.009 --> 00:26:27.809
and welcome to the winning team,
Lloyd.