Jessica takes the wheel of the good ship Titanic, Ariel needs a drink, BrJordan seeks answers, Chad grows more defiant, and Dana hits rewind.
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CreditsHost:
Performers:
Special Guest:
Today’s Poetry Selection:
“Weird Science” - Oingo Boingo
Stories:
Same Father, Different Mother - BrJordanThe Little Hen- Ariel
Producer/Editor/Engineer: Dick CabezaIntern: Dana
Distribution:The PodFix Network
About UsWhat happens when you take three people, put them inside a Secret Government Agency and give them access to the largest collection of folklore, fairytales, and legends that have (n)ever existed?
Down To Folk is manufactured by M.A.S.S.K. The Ministry of Augmented Something Something, and a K.
**Down to Folk is a work of comedy fiction. The views and opinions related within should be taken as such, and are not the views and opinions of the creators, writers, or performers. No children were harmed while creating this podcast, although, a few deaths have occurred, but that 'twas the Wendigo I reckon.**
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Transcript
WEBVTT
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Hello, friend, and welcome to
another episode of down to fault. Do
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00:00:07.309 --> 00:00:13.390
you need something? No, just
hanging out watching you do your thing.
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00:00:14.630 --> 00:00:18.429
This week, Gret will be taking
it for Jordan. Yes, for Jordan
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00:00:18.469 --> 00:00:22.379
will be taking what are you doing? I have a question, so I'm
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00:00:22.379 --> 00:00:26.179
raising my hand. What? What? What? What's your question? Oh
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Um, how is this show not
being canceled yet? Like, seriously,
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00:00:31.620 --> 00:00:40.329
child death, questionable sex x violence, so much child death, foul language.
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Dana, just start for Jordan story. Wait, what, Dane is
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back. Dana, you mush mouthed
motherfucker. Where are you been? Man,
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00:00:50.520 --> 00:00:52.960
come on, we need to make
sense, man, come on.
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Luther Leland bought himself a family tree
DNA test for his birthday. He knew
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he was adopted, but the details
were kept from him. So for his
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thirty nine birthday he bought the test
and took it without telling his mother.
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He then sent it away and waited
the six week turn around time. When
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the results were returned, luther was
shocked to discovered what his DNA test showed.
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He read the results over and over
and finally called the Family Tree Organization
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to get an explanation on what he
was reading. Luther sat patiently while on
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hold, rereading the results and forming
a litany of questions. The representative answered.
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Hello, is this Luther Leland?
Yes, I have some the representative
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Cud of off questions. Yes,
I know. There is a special group
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that has been created to answer these
questions. I'll send you their information and
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you may reach out to them.
Luther confirmed his contact information with the representative
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and waited for the follow up email
to his call. Once he hung up
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the phone, he read the results
yet again, more confused than before he
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had taken the test. Family tree
then sent him the information for the CPK
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information convention. There was a convention
in Cleveland, Georgia, within the next
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few days. Luther cleared his schedule
and bought a ticket, reserved a room
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and was quickly on his way.
Once he was at his hotel, things
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began to get even weirder. While
in Lyne to check into his hotel,
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the person in front of him turned
around and Luther was taken aback. This
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person looked almost exactly like him.
Same wide forehead, Chubby cheeks, bell
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shaped eyes, although this person's were
blue and Luther's were Brown, and pretty
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much the same build and height.
The only difference was that he had dark,
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spiky hair and luther had blond,
curly hair. The man in front
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of him seemed to recognize the similarities
and, oddly, wasn't as shook as
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Leland. I'm Dylan Carl, the
mirror image man spoke, extending his hand
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out to Luther. I'm Luther,
Leland, Luther answered in Awe. First
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Time meeting one of your siblings,
I gather. Dylan laugh. I remember
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that failing all too well. Siblings. Luther stared wide eyed at Dylan.
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Aren't you here for the Convention?
Dylan asked, concerned, as if he
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was confused. Yes, I took
a family tree DNA test and they sent
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me information and and I bought a
ticket. Ah, yes, I did
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the same thing a few years back
and pretty much started my journey just like
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you. I'm really confused. Luther, feeling lightheaded, began to wound.
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Maybe you should shit, Dylan exclaimed. As Luther collapsed to who the ground.
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Luther woke to the crowd of people
standing over him. However, he
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thought it was a dream, as
the faces that stared down on him looked
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exactly like him, with some variations
in hair and eye and even skin color.
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They were all him, but different. Give Him Room. A woman
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with his face shouted, causing the
crowd to back up. You, okay,
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it's Luther. Right. She rubbed
his forehead with a cool, wet
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Napkin and had an them a glass
of water. I'm Mary Sue. She
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helped luthor up to a chair.
The crowd had only slightly dispersed but still
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lingered, staring at him with wide, unblinking eyes. You fainted. Dylan
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spoke. He stood behind Mary Sue
and moved up to assist her with getting
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luther comfortable. Luthor stammered, breathe. I can explain it all to you.
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Mary sue sat down next to Luther
and began to speak very calmly.
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You were adopted, right, yes, your parents were young when they adopted
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you, like there is. They
were like only seven year age gap between
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you two. Yes, and you
thought it was weird when you were older
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and you took a DNA test and
found out who your real parents were.
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Yes, and the test came back
saying you were part human and part cabbage.
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Right, Mary Sue spoke. It
in a matter of truth. Yes,
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and so the DNA company sent you
to information to come to Cleveland,
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Georgia, so they can explain what
that means. Yes, yes, to
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all of it, but I still
don't know why. And now all y'all
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siblings, Lutheran began to get anxious
again. Just breathe. Mary sue back
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in the others to gather closer.
Luther took a deep breath and focused on
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his chubby hands. Well, Luther, I'd like you to meet just a
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few of your three million siblings.
We were all born here at Babyland General,
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CLEVELAND, Georgia. We all have
the same father and we are in
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fact born in a cabbage patch.
Well, not just in but from cabbages.
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Luther fainted again. He woke up
a few minutes later in a hotel
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room with Mary Sue and Dylan Carl
sitting across from him. You sure do
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faint a lot. Dylan chuckled as
he handed him a glass of water.
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Not Normally, but this is a
lot. Luther spoke, his throat dry,
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his head spinning information, a lot
of information. Mary sue finished.
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Her smile formed two dimples on her
rounded face. So we are related,
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luther asked. Yes, we are
all related, as we all have the
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same father. Are Mary Sue pause
looking for the right words. Mother's were
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all the AFFERENT, making most of
us a half siblings. But how Luther
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rubbed his head. How can our
mother's be cabbages? Dylan chimed in an
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amused laugh. Well, the story
I was told Mary Sue began was that
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there were these magical flying bunnies that
pollinated cabbages with magical crystals in a patch
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behind a waterfall. Our father found
us and saved us by giving us away.
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Mary sew stopped. But we all
know that's not how babies are made.
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So we dug deeper, Dylan added. Yes, we dug deeper and
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found that we all had the same
father. And, not surprisingly, our
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father was a humble cabbage farm boy
who found us. We think he did
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something genetically to the cabbages and well, planted he's seed in them. Wait,
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what Luther said in discussed right.
Well, yes, that we were
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the result of his experiment. The
experiment was very successful and he had a
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plethora children he needed to get rid
of so fast he flooded the baby market
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under the guise of adopting and sold
us too. And this is even more
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fucked up. Part Children. We
were marketed as living dolls that kids could
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adopt. That is really fucked up. Yep, and that's what's even more
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fucked up. The kid tattooed his
name on our asses. Dylan dropped his
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pants over his butt cheek and there
was a scribbled, unreadable tattoo. Luther
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was dumbfounded because he too had this
tattoo. Yeah, we all have them.
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Dylan pulled up his pants. It
was a sick claim by a sick
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man. There was silence that filled
the room. So Mary Sue created this
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group for all the children that were
created by this madman, child and cabbages.
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She reached out to multiple DNA companies
and it was working closely with them
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and the government to find the man
responsible for over three million children, and
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you happen to be one of those
millions. Luther paused, taking in the
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gravity of the situation. Why is
this the first I am hearing of this?
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Well, most of us were forgotten
because, well, we were adopted
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by children, we were given away
to be adopted by other children and eventually
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the novelty of us were off in
the world and even our parents forgot about
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us. Some of US went on
to careers in the trading card business,
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demeaning ourselves with a name, a
garbage, and there was some success in
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that. However, those who were
loved and taking care of, and we're
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not forgotten, grew up and now
live good lives. Mary sue looked out
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the window. But for those who
are forgotten, we are group has made
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a conscious effort to find them and
bring them home. The room fell quiet.
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Luther soaked in all the information and
knew there was only one thing he
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could do. Join them in bringing
this man to justice and finding the remainder
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of his siblings. One question before
I join, Luther whispered. Who is
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our father? What is his name? Xavier Roberts. The name rolled around
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in Luther's head, the atrocities done
by this man, the many children he
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left behind. Standing up, Luther
went to his brother and sister, hugging
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them them and saying to them,
I'm in let's get this cabbage fucker well,
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maybe Chad is onto something here.
I'm sorry. Thank you for Jordan,
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and now let's check in with Ariel
in the grotto for her contribution.
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This week. In a little village
just over the little stream, lived a
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little hen and a little rooster.
They were wonderful friends and shared everything.
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On this day, the pair headed
off to nut mountain, you know,
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like the fruit or will boom or
whatever. Otherwise that place would be filthy.
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I guess some people are into that
kind of thing, but I personally
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don't want to go anywhere that.
With luminal would look like a Jackson pollock,
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and besides, who has that much
time? We're semen. It's a
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fucking mountain, for Grey's sake.
Maybe a team effort. God, that
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would be some kind of twisted team
to be a part of. They dog.
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You want to go circle jerk around
the mountain with the guys after work?
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Great Bob. I'd been meaning to
get out that way since it rained
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on Tuesday. Can you imagine?
Anyway, the two agreed that whoever found
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a nut first would share with the
other. Now the little hen found a
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big, juicy meaty nut that she
wanted to eat it all by herself,
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so she pocketed it away and whatever
the fuck chicken wear, and continued to
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00:11:41.669 --> 00:11:45.309
look for another smaller nut or even
a pair of nuts she could share with
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her friend. As the afternoon wore
on, though, she began to grow
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hungry and snuck a little ways away
to indulge in that large glistening nut.
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She rooted around for it. By
the time she brought it to her beak,
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00:11:58.500 --> 00:12:03.129
her mouth was watering for it,
but when she slipped it in,
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she couldn't get it down her throat
and began to choke. Little Rooster,
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00:12:07.490 --> 00:12:13.570
the terrified little hen called out,
I'm choking, I surely will die if
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I don't have any water. Please
run as fast as you can to the
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well. I mean, I'm guessing
that's what she said. polly sound more
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like mum, Mum, M Um. So the Little Rooster Sprang into action
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and ran as quickly as his little
feet would carry him. When he approached
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00:12:33.070 --> 00:12:37.789
the well, he beseeched it.
Well, give me some water, for
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the little hen is lying on Nut
Mountain. She swallowed too much nut and
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00:12:41.190 --> 00:12:45.740
she's choking on it. I fear
she will choke to death without water.
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The well responded. First, run
to the bride and get some red silk
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00:12:50.100 --> 00:12:54.460
from her. I don't know what
a well needs with fucking red silk,
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00:12:54.580 --> 00:13:00.289
but maybe I don't know. That
talks too or something and the well will
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00:13:00.370 --> 00:13:05.330
only whatever. The little rooster ran
to the bride as quickly as his little
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00:13:05.370 --> 00:13:09.289
feet would carry him. When he
approached to the bride, he beseeched her.
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00:13:09.889 --> 00:13:13.399
Bride, give me some red silk
and I'll give the red silk to
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00:13:13.480 --> 00:13:16.279
the well, and the well will
give me some water and I'll take the
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00:13:16.360 --> 00:13:20.440
water to the Little Hen who is
lying on Nut Mountain. She swallowed too
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00:13:20.480 --> 00:13:26.240
much nut and is about to choke
to death. The bride responded. First,
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00:13:26.279 --> 00:13:28.509
run and fetch my wreath. He
got caught on a willow branch.
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00:13:30.750 --> 00:13:33.509
So the little rooster ran to the
willow as quickly as his little feet would
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00:13:33.509 --> 00:13:37.549
carry him. When he approached,
he grabbed the wreath in his beak and
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00:13:37.669 --> 00:13:41.379
took it to the bride. She
wrapped some red silk around his neck and
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00:13:41.820 --> 00:13:46.539
he hurried towards the well. He
tied the red silk around one of her
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posts and the well gave him the
water. He saw it. He ran
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00:13:50.139 --> 00:13:54.379
as quickly as his little feet would
carry him back to the Little Hen on
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nut mountain, which, seriously is
a terrible name. But when he arrived
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she was dead as a door nail. When someone is choking, you legit
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00:14:03.889 --> 00:14:07.690
can't burn through half an hour and
expect them to still be kicking when you
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00:14:07.690 --> 00:14:13.559
show buck up. But stupid roosters
do stupid things and wind stupid prizes.
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00:14:13.279 --> 00:14:18.720
Like good eadfrid the little rooster was
so stricken with grief that he cried out
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00:14:18.879 --> 00:14:24.669
and the animals all came to mourn
the little hen. Six little mice built
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00:14:24.669 --> 00:14:28.549
a little carriage to fit the Little
Red Hen on the way to her grave.
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00:14:28.590 --> 00:14:33.590
The little mice hitched themselves to it
and the little rooster drove. Before
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00:14:33.629 --> 00:14:37.620
long, though, they encountered a
Fox. Where are you going, little
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00:14:37.620 --> 00:14:43.860
rooster? I'm going to bury my
little hen. May I ride along?
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00:14:43.980 --> 00:14:48.659
Yes, but you must sit at
the rear because my little horses don't like
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00:14:48.820 --> 00:14:52.730
you too close to the front.
This suited the Fox just fine. Then
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00:14:52.769 --> 00:14:58.690
they encountered an elk. Where are
you going, little rooster? I'm going
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00:14:58.850 --> 00:15:03.570
to bury my little hen. May
I ride along? Yes, of course,
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00:15:03.850 --> 00:15:07.720
in the back with the Fox.
This is one hell of a little
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00:15:07.720 --> 00:15:13.200
carriage, you know. Then the
party came across a lion and a wolf
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00:15:13.960 --> 00:15:18.960
and a tortoise and a hare and
a kindergartener, and they all traveled until
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00:15:18.000 --> 00:15:22.750
they came to the little stream.
Oh How will we cross? said the
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00:15:22.830 --> 00:15:28.590
little rooster. A Straw was lying
there next to the brook and he told
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00:15:28.669 --> 00:15:33.029
them, I'll lay myself across and
you can drive over me. But just
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00:15:33.309 --> 00:15:37.860
as the six mice placed their little
paws upon the straw, it slipped into
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00:15:37.899 --> 00:15:43.019
the water and as they were hitched
together, all six little mice were dragged
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00:15:43.059 --> 00:15:48.139
in and drowned. The little rooster
had no idea what to do until a
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00:15:48.259 --> 00:15:52.929
coal spoke up, telling them I'm
large enough, I will lay myself across
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00:15:54.009 --> 00:15:58.129
and you can drive over me.
The coal kept its word and laid itself
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00:15:58.169 --> 00:16:02.450
across the water, but unfortunately,
as soon as it touched the water,
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it hissed and its spark was extinguished. It too was dead. A stone
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witnessed this and, wanting to help
the little rooster, it laid itself across
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the water. The little rooster had
hitched himself in place of the mice and
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pulled the carriage. When he had
nearly reached the other side, though,
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the carriage rolled back with the weight
of the others. They all fell into
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the water and drown the little rooster
just stood staring at this. It's a
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little stream, for God's sake.
What is wrong with these animals? The
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00:16:38.179 --> 00:16:42.460
mice OK, fine, but a
God damn elk. It's taller than the
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00:16:42.580 --> 00:16:47.769
Stream. Why didn't they just ride
him over in the first place? Fuck
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man, it's like an idiot parade. Well, so the little rooster was
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all alone with a little dead hen
he dug a grave and placed her inside,
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00:16:56.490 --> 00:17:00.250
weeping miserably as he went. He
then made a mound on top of
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00:17:00.370 --> 00:17:04.359
it to mark the spot and sat
down upon it. He cried and cried
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until his eyes would produce no more
tears. And I don't mean like cried
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00:17:10.279 --> 00:17:15.710
out, I mean he ran out
of bodily fluids from dehydration. Isn't thou
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00:17:15.750 --> 00:17:18.269
what started this in the first place? And for the love of all that's
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00:17:18.349 --> 00:17:23.509
holy, she was buried right next
to a stream. Meam I chant with
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00:17:23.710 --> 00:17:29.190
this? So long story short,
the little rooster never left this spot in
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00:17:29.309 --> 00:17:33.339
grief so long. He also kicked
the fucking bucket, and then everyone was
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00:17:33.460 --> 00:17:37.819
dead. Are you happy now?
God, I need a drink. Hey
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00:17:37.819 --> 00:17:42.259
again it's Keith, pop up film
cast guy. Yeah, Chad told me
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00:17:42.339 --> 00:17:47.849
to come down again this week.
Throat still bothering them a bit from from
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00:17:47.890 --> 00:17:52.049
the napod thing. He also did. You guys are valued a parking.
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00:17:52.170 --> 00:17:56.730
So who do I see from the
the piano again? I told you guys
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00:17:56.730 --> 00:18:00.279
last week. I can't do the
I don't know how to play piano.
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00:18:00.400 --> 00:18:04.839
Do I have to just sit?
Okay, you guys figure it out on
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00:18:04.880 --> 00:18:08.319
your end. All, can you
guess? Turn around I get again.
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00:18:08.400 --> 00:18:12.630
I can't have people staring at me
when I'm reading poetry. But yeah,
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00:18:12.710 --> 00:18:18.589
just hit recording. We'll go.
Thanks, and then we'll talk parking later.
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00:18:18.670 --> 00:18:30.700
Right from my hearts and from my
hand. Why don't people understand my
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00:18:30.980 --> 00:18:40.460
intentions? Plastic tubes and pots and
pans, bits and pieces and the magic
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00:18:41.259 --> 00:18:51.450
from the hand. We're making foul
things I've never seen before behind bolted doors.
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00:18:52.490 --> 00:19:00.720
Talent and imagination will final. Now
what teachers said to do. Making
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00:19:00.880 --> 00:19:10.630
dreams come true, living tissue,
warm and flesh will final. WHO KEEPS
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00:19:10.750 --> 00:19:14.230
TALKING? I'm trying to record something
here. If you guys, can you
231
00:19:14.309 --> 00:19:19.509
stop talking in the background and be
really great? Okay, it's more editing
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00:19:19.549 --> 00:19:22.029
for you guys. I'll I'm pick
up right from here, but stop talking,
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00:19:22.109 --> 00:19:30.940
please. Bits and pieces and bits
and pieces and bits of my creation.
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00:19:33.539 --> 00:19:41.650
Is it real? It's my creation. Oh, my creation, it's
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00:19:41.849 --> 00:19:51.009
my creation. Will final. Magic
and technology, Voodoo, dolls and chance,
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00:19:52.650 --> 00:20:02.759
electricity we're making will find guys stop
talking, please. I'm doing you
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00:20:02.839 --> 00:20:07.150
guys a favor coming down here recording
this. I don't like traffic was a
238
00:20:07.190 --> 00:20:11.390
bitch today. Okay, it get
can we just I want to get this
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00:20:11.470 --> 00:20:14.910
done. I got to get back
home. Please stop talking in the background
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00:20:14.950 --> 00:20:22.779
on this. Okay, where the
hell are we shooting from the hip?
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00:20:23.660 --> 00:20:30.579
Something different. We're making won't found. Pictures from a magazine, diagrams and
242
00:20:30.700 --> 00:20:40.849
charts, mending broken hearts and making
some found whatever. Never I'm not going
243
00:20:40.890 --> 00:20:45.289
to stop, to stop. Something
like a recipe, bits and pieces and
244
00:20:45.609 --> 00:20:53.079
bits and pieces and bits of my
creation. Is it real? It's migration?
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00:20:55.480 --> 00:21:02.839
I don't know. No hesitation,
no heart of gold, just flesh
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00:21:02.960 --> 00:21:14.430
and blood. I don't know.
I do not know. From my heart
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00:21:14.430 --> 00:21:22.380
and from my hand. Why don't
people understand my intentions? Won't found.
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00:21:29.619 --> 00:21:33.650
Thank you for listening to another episode
of Down Default and especial to our guest
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00:21:33.769 --> 00:21:36.450
this week, Keith of the pop
up film cast, also a member of
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00:21:36.529 --> 00:21:41.849
the pod fixed network. visit down
to folk online at DTF storiescom and at
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00:21:41.849 --> 00:21:48.599
DTF stories across social media, and
don't forget Hashtag canceled ttf or Hashtag canceled
252
00:21:48.640 --> 00:21:52.559
ttf stories. I'm sorry, dear
listener, until next week. I'm Jessica
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00:21:52.599 --> 00:22:03.150
Johnson signing off. You've been listening
to a podcast of the pod fix network.
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00:22:03.470 --> 00:22:07.710
Discover more audible gym's like this at
pod fix networkcom. Make sure to
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00:22:07.789 --> 00:22:11.829
catch up to the minute network Shinanigan's
by following at pod fix on twitter,
256
00:22:12.150 --> 00:22:18.059
official underscore pod fix on Instagram,
at pod fix network on Facebook, and
257
00:22:18.220 --> 00:22:22.220
make sure to subscribe to pod fix
presents wherever you choose to find podcasts.
258
00:22:22.740 --> 00:22:41.769
The pod fix network artist owned the
love. Yeah, let me sing this.
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00:22:41.009 --> 00:22:48.519
I know I turn on. Okay, you know. Now Talk.
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00:22:52.599 --> 00:23:00.109
That is impressive. Yeah, I
just joyed. If your if your gump
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00:23:00.269 --> 00:23:03.589
in charge, we too, you
know, we shall make make to you
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00:23:03.910 --> 00:23:08.109
a little more. You know,
scary