Feb. 22, 2021

Along Came A Spider

Along Came A Spider

From the beginnings of a humble farmer to the humble beginnings of Samuel Clemens. This is Down To Folk.


From the beginnings of a humble farmer to the humble beginnings of Samuel Clemens.  This is Down To Folk. 

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About UsWhat happens when you take three people,  put them inside a Secret Government Agency and give them access to the largest collection of folklore, fairytales, and legends that have (n)ever existed? 

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**Down to Folk is a work of comedy fiction.  The views and opinions related within should be taken as such, and are not the views and opinions of the creators, writers, or performers.  No children were harmed while creating this podcast, although, a few deaths have occurred, but that 'twas the Wendigo I reckon.**  

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Transcript
WEBVTT 1 00:00:03.399 --> 00:00:08.310 Good evening, Ladies and gentlemen, and the rest of you. Allow me 2 00:00:08.429 --> 00:00:12.830 to welcome you all to the premiere episode of down to folk. I am 3 00:00:12.830 --> 00:00:19.030 Lloyd Warrington, the chief engineer of masque. Masque is the Ministry of augmented 4 00:00:19.190 --> 00:00:25.179 something, something and a k. It is a multinational science group specializing in 5 00:00:25.379 --> 00:00:30.460 something and the archiving of something else. In this episode, you will be 6 00:00:30.620 --> 00:00:35.700 taken to the State of Montana to hear the story of a humble farmer's family 7 00:00:36.570 --> 00:00:43.329 and their encounter with a spider. Our story may involve some adult THEMATICA elements, 8 00:00:43.729 --> 00:00:48.530 so if you are listening with children, that's on you. Now, 9 00:00:49.090 --> 00:01:07.790 sit back, relax and enjoy the show. Back in them before times of 10 00:01:07.909 --> 00:01:11.469 the long, long ago, there is a humble farmer who owned a humble 11 00:01:11.590 --> 00:01:17.469 farm. He had a humble wife and a humble daughter, whom he named 12 00:01:17.590 --> 00:01:23.540 Frand frowned with gentle and kind and loved animals of all sorts. She would 13 00:01:23.540 --> 00:01:29.340 sing to the horses, who would stamp their hoofs almost dance like. She 14 00:01:29.420 --> 00:01:33.010 would cool at the barn cats, who would bring her dead mice and appreciation. 15 00:01:34.450 --> 00:01:37.849 She napped with the sheep dog, who would lick her face and nuzzle. 16 00:01:38.849 --> 00:01:42.489 She would twirl among the birds, who would chirp their sweet songs and 17 00:01:42.730 --> 00:01:47.959 never shot upon her. One day her father came home from market with a 18 00:01:48.000 --> 00:01:53.760 new animal to add to the Menagerie, a humble piglet. FROND was delighted. 19 00:01:53.560 --> 00:01:57.599 She whisked the pig up out of the cart and whirled him around as 20 00:01:57.680 --> 00:02:04.069 he almost seemed to smile, squealing what a precious little fellow, she cried 21 00:02:04.109 --> 00:02:07.949 happily. Her father removed his cap and told her, I'm glad you like 22 00:02:08.069 --> 00:02:13.629 him. Make sure he feels at all my frond. FROND got the little 23 00:02:13.669 --> 00:02:16.860 guy settled into a nice little hay bed in the barn and kissed his head 24 00:02:17.139 --> 00:02:23.699 before she headed inside to sleep herself. I'll call you wilmer, she whispered. 25 00:02:23.939 --> 00:02:29.419 As the weeks went by, the piglet grew and grew and, though 26 00:02:29.539 --> 00:02:35.210 not the most impressive pig, he was humble after all. He was certainly 27 00:02:35.250 --> 00:02:40.409 sweet and affectionate. Frond was especially partial to him, spending a great deal 28 00:02:40.569 --> 00:02:46.759 of lazy afternoons telling Him Stories. But one day her father approached the barn 29 00:02:46.840 --> 00:02:52.199 and told frond the following day he was taking the pig to market with him. 30 00:02:53.319 --> 00:02:58.909 FROND looked alarmed. Whatever. For Papa, she asked, he needs 31 00:02:58.949 --> 00:03:04.229 to be butchered so we can sell the meat? He replied no, Papa, 32 00:03:04.750 --> 00:03:07.830 she cried, but that was the end of it. No discussion would 33 00:03:07.830 --> 00:03:14.419 change his humble mind. Wilmer was distraught. He didn't know what a butcher 34 00:03:14.699 --> 00:03:19.219 was, but frond certainly didn't seem happy about it. And then he heard 35 00:03:19.219 --> 00:03:24.780 a tiny little voice. Wilma, Wilma, over here. The confused pig 36 00:03:24.900 --> 00:03:30.849 turned every which way, happier, silly, there was a small spider hanging 37 00:03:30.889 --> 00:03:37.169 from her web. Who, who are you, Wilma asked. You can 38 00:03:37.289 --> 00:03:46.159 call me Charlotte. Charlotta, he cautiously started. What's butchering? Oh dear, 39 00:03:46.719 --> 00:03:50.479 I heard that it's where they lead you to a place away from the 40 00:03:50.520 --> 00:03:53.639 other animals, slit in your throat, dismember your body, set it on 41 00:03:53.800 --> 00:04:00.469 fire and then eat it. WILMA looked horrified. Oh No, Charlotte, 42 00:04:00.469 --> 00:04:04.430 what am I going to do? Charlotte Waked. Don't wait, Wilmur, 43 00:04:04.710 --> 00:04:09.430 I'm going to hoop, and she crawled back up to her humble well, 44 00:04:09.550 --> 00:04:15.219 up and began to loop and dance. When the rooster crowed and the sun 45 00:04:15.300 --> 00:04:18.860 began to rise, there was a web glittering in the light. As the 46 00:04:18.980 --> 00:04:26.050 farmer and frond approached, they realized something was written in the web. Papa, 47 00:04:26.850 --> 00:04:30.769 does that? Does that say? Got To bring us to get hands? 48 00:04:30.930 --> 00:04:38.129 The farmer swallowed. He didn't like the sound of that. Maybe he 49 00:04:38.250 --> 00:04:45.120 began slowly. Maybe today's not the day to take wilmer to market. We'll 50 00:04:45.519 --> 00:04:49.959 try again tomorrow. Wilmer was relieved but knew his time was still limited. 51 00:04:50.959 --> 00:04:56.509 But the following morning, as the sun rose, once again a web glittered 52 00:04:56.629 --> 00:05:00.870 in the light. The farmer approached with Frond, who then asked, Papa, 53 00:05:01.670 --> 00:05:06.779 does that? Does that say blood and blood out? The farmer, 54 00:05:06.899 --> 00:05:14.660 visibly sweating, began slowly. Maybe, maybe today's not the day to take 55 00:05:14.699 --> 00:05:19.939 Wilmur to market. We'll try again tomorrow. Wilmer was relieved but still knew 56 00:05:19.939 --> 00:05:25.370 he was unborrowed time. But the following morning, in the first rays of 57 00:05:25.449 --> 00:05:30.689 Sun, once again a Web glittered in the light. As the farmer and 58 00:05:30.810 --> 00:05:36.160 frond approached, they realized something was written in the web. Papa, does 59 00:05:36.279 --> 00:05:43.079 that? Does that say? TRUST NO BITCH? But the humble farmer was 60 00:05:43.199 --> 00:05:46.600 tired of the ruse. It was just a spider. A spider with a 61 00:05:46.639 --> 00:05:51.790 nasty attitude. He loaded wilmer up in his cart and rode away to market, 62 00:05:51.910 --> 00:05:57.589 as fron wept onto his little hay bed. When the farmer returned its 63 00:05:57.629 --> 00:06:02.149 sundown, wilmer was not with him. He's been butchered, he responded when 64 00:06:02.230 --> 00:06:06.699 Fron asked, Oh, I hate you, I hate you, hate you 65 00:06:06.819 --> 00:06:13.779 until I die. And with that the child fled to the barn where she 66 00:06:13.939 --> 00:06:19.250 cried herself to sleep. But Charlotte was no ordinary spider. She took pity 67 00:06:19.370 --> 00:06:24.290 on the girl and decided to teach the farmer a lesson. She crawled to 68 00:06:24.329 --> 00:06:29.129 the very top of the barn and sang out in her tinkling voice. Hello, 69 00:06:30.050 --> 00:06:33.199 are you out there? And Precious Child's heart is broken, as her 70 00:06:33.279 --> 00:06:39.759 best friend's body was turned into meet today. Can you help? The wind 71 00:06:39.800 --> 00:06:44.040 began to whip in the skies and the trees rustled. A screech was heard, 72 00:06:44.120 --> 00:06:49.269 so terrifying all the animals. Coward charlot remained fearless and didn't move from 73 00:06:49.269 --> 00:06:55.310 her high perch. She merely took one of her eight legs and pointed to 74 00:06:55.389 --> 00:07:00.269 the Farm House. In the morning, when the farmer had not shown up 75 00:07:00.269 --> 00:07:03.939 to market, neighbors called on the family and found frond asleep on the barn 76 00:07:04.019 --> 00:07:10.899 floor. Entering the House and calling out, they found nothing but the skeleton 77 00:07:11.019 --> 00:07:15.769 of the humble farmer and his wife lying in what looked like a blood bath. 78 00:07:16.209 --> 00:07:20.089 It was the Windigo, I reckon, said a slightly less humble farmer. 79 00:07:20.970 --> 00:07:26.370 Everyone nodded and shuffled out of the House. They went to find the 80 00:07:26.490 --> 00:07:30.879 young frond to tell her she was now an orphan, but the child had 81 00:07:30.920 --> 00:07:35.160 disappeared. At least that's what they thought, but I'll tell you what really 82 00:07:35.199 --> 00:07:41.040 happened. You See, I was telling the truth when I said Charlot was 83 00:07:41.120 --> 00:07:46.750 no ordinary spider. Ordinary spiders don't write words and Webs. After all, 84 00:07:46.709 --> 00:07:53.750 she was radioactive and a practicing sorceress spider. That's how she summoned the WINDIGO 85 00:07:54.509 --> 00:07:59.939 and helped frond to escape. She had bitten her, giving her special powers. 86 00:08:00.779 --> 00:08:03.540 When the neighbors had entered the barn, she was adhered to the rafters 87 00:08:03.899 --> 00:08:26.319 like a spider and they all lived happily ever after. See, that wasn't 88 00:08:26.399 --> 00:08:33.799 so terrible after all. Congratulations, you have survived the first half of episode 89 00:08:33.879 --> 00:08:37.879 one. Thank you, Ariel, for that highly accurate and original tale. 90 00:08:39.799 --> 00:08:43.269 We will now join Chad at the community fire pit for this week's camp fire 91 00:08:43.429 --> 00:08:58.580 story. Now, while Ariel's story takes place in the outskirts of Pew to, 92 00:08:58.700 --> 00:09:07.220 Montana, the continuation actually happens seventy five miles south in the Gold Rush 93 00:09:07.379 --> 00:09:13.450 Mecca of Virginia City, Montana. It was around this time that a young 94 00:09:13.529 --> 00:09:20.490 journalist was working at the territorial enterprise, local paper, by the name of 95 00:09:20.809 --> 00:09:28.799 Samuel Langhorne clements. Now Sam was got a lot of recognition. He and 96 00:09:28.879 --> 00:09:37.039 his brother traveled from Missouri to the West. They did part ways in South 97 00:09:37.039 --> 00:09:43.470 Lake City, UTAH. Sam would go north old sly ending up in Virginia 98 00:09:43.509 --> 00:09:48.669 City, Montana, and his brother, I remember who what. His brother's 99 00:09:48.669 --> 00:09:52.940 name is Buck Oh. His brother went to Nevada, continued west to Nevada. 100 00:09:54.539 --> 00:09:58.980 While Sam was in Virginia City working at the newspaper, he was dabbling 101 00:10:00.059 --> 00:10:07.100 in other writing. Not content with being a journalist, he wanted something more 102 00:10:07.769 --> 00:10:13.049 from his writing. So he had written a short story, funny story, 103 00:10:13.649 --> 00:10:20.519 called the celebrated jumping frog of Calavaris County, and people just loved this frog 104 00:10:20.720 --> 00:10:26.200 story that he had written and and he would go down the street and everybody's 105 00:10:26.200 --> 00:10:28.720 like Hey, frog boy, what's up? And he's we got it with 106 00:10:28.799 --> 00:10:33.679 the frog already. It was his one regret that he had in life. 107 00:10:33.480 --> 00:10:39.389 When the events happened up at up near Butte, Montana, the story made 108 00:10:39.429 --> 00:10:43.950 its way down into Virginia City and people came up to him and said Hey, 109 00:10:45.110 --> 00:10:48.830 did you hear that crazy story about the winding go up and beat? 110 00:10:48.950 --> 00:10:52.500 You should were totally write a story about it. And he's like, we 111 00:10:52.659 --> 00:10:58.100 got it with the animal stories and and he he wouldn't even entertain it. 112 00:10:58.700 --> 00:11:03.409 He wouldn't even write about it in the paper because he just knew people were 113 00:11:03.450 --> 00:11:09.090 going to try and get him to write a story about a spider that writes 114 00:11:09.169 --> 00:11:13.409 words in the web and he just said there's nothing to that. And so 115 00:11:13.529 --> 00:11:20.360 he he he sent a telegram to a good friend of his who was due 116 00:11:20.519 --> 00:11:24.879 to come out and visit, and it was a good friend of his, 117 00:11:26.399 --> 00:11:31.679 elwen, was coming out to visit soon from New York and and Sam was 118 00:11:31.759 --> 00:11:37.549 like hey, Elwen, you like writing about animals, come on out here, 119 00:11:37.629 --> 00:11:41.629 I got this story that you can write. You can write, you 120 00:11:41.750 --> 00:11:46.269 could write a book about it if you feel like it. It's right up 121 00:11:46.269 --> 00:11:48.580 your alley. It's got like, you know, a pig talking to a 122 00:11:48.700 --> 00:11:54.620 spider writing words and it's web. I don't know, maybe tried out. 123 00:11:54.980 --> 00:12:01.649 So Edwin Brooks comes out to Virginia City and he sits down with the with 124 00:12:01.889 --> 00:12:05.730 Sam and he's like yeah, man, this totally a story. I could 125 00:12:05.730 --> 00:12:09.250 totally could do this and like dope, go ahead start writing it. So 126 00:12:09.450 --> 00:12:15.879 he goes back to New York and he starts writing and he wrote his version 127 00:12:16.240 --> 00:12:20.679 of the story. He pretty much stripped all of the elements out except for 128 00:12:20.080 --> 00:12:24.320 a spider that could write words in his web. But it's cool. And 129 00:12:26.120 --> 00:12:31.070 Sam just could not get away from that jumping frog story. So he changed 130 00:12:31.149 --> 00:12:37.230 his name. Changed his name to mark and wrote about little boys and Indians 131 00:12:37.350 --> 00:12:43.620 and black people. But it okay. Mark's books were problematic. It's cool. 132 00:12:43.899 --> 00:12:48.299 It was a different day and different age. He did okay for himself. 133 00:12:48.340 --> 00:12:52.419 Ed when he did good too. He wrote his little animal book about 134 00:12:52.419 --> 00:12:56.700 a talking spider. I I don't really don't know what was about, but 135 00:12:58.049 --> 00:13:05.009 mark, I guess, went on to write a lot of books about young 136 00:13:05.129 --> 00:13:11.809 boys and their high chinks and Shenanigan's and then he died catching a ride in 137 00:13:11.919 --> 00:13:18.240 the tail of Haley's comment, paving the way for Heaven's gate years later. 138 00:13:18.679 --> 00:13:28.389 Mark Twain, author, Legend cult leader. Thank you for listening to down 139 00:13:28.429 --> 00:13:33.669 to folk. All one hundred percent accurate and original. Main story was written 140 00:13:33.750 --> 00:13:39.830 and performed by aerial cooksie of the malice podcast. Our Campfire story this week 141 00:13:39.990 --> 00:13:45.220 was performed by Chad Brock Breida, who couldn't be bothered by writing a script. 142 00:13:46.100 --> 00:13:50.220 If you must, you can find chat on the perfect package podcast. 143 00:13:50.379 --> 00:13:58.490 For additional stories and content, visit DT F storiescom or a DTF stories across 144 00:13:58.570 --> 00:14:05.649 all social media. Down to folk is a production of Masque, the Ministry 145 00:14:05.690 --> 00:14:11.519 of augmented something, something and a k distribution is provided by the pod fix 146 00:14:11.600 --> 00:14:16.960 network, which can be found at www dot pod fix networkcom. And don't 147 00:14:18.039 --> 00:14:24.549 forget, if you are DTF, visit the down to folk patreon at patreoncom 148 00:14:24.669 --> 00:14:35.549 slash DTF stories for exclusive content and live simulation events. 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