Oct. 27, 2021

All Filler, Some Thriller

All Filler, Some Thriller

A Special Halloween Episode...DTF Style.


With Halloween days away Ariel, BrJordan, and Chad pull out all the stops and apparently all the Halloween content too. 

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Producer/Editor/Engineer: Dick CabezaIntern: Dana 

Distribution:The PodFix Network 

About UsWhat happens when you take three people,  put them inside a Secret Government Agency and give them access to the largest collection of folklore, fairytales, and legends that have (n)ever existed? 

Down To Folk is manufactured by M.A.S.S.K. The Ministry of Augmented Something Something, and a K. 

**Down to Folk is a work of comedy fiction.  The views and opinions related within should be taken as such, and are not the views and opinions of the creators, writers, or performers.  No children were harmed while creating this podcast, although, a few deaths have occurred, but that 'twas the Wendigo I reckon.**  

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Transcript
WEBVTT 1 00:00:03.720 --> 00:00:08.630 Greetings, foolish mortal, and welcome to a special Halloween adjacent episode of down 2 00:00:08.710 --> 00:00:14.109 to fork. Although I have requested a special Halloween episode, I am most 3 00:00:14.109 --> 00:00:17.710 certainly these cock wobblers will not deliver, as they are wont to do. 4 00:00:19.070 --> 00:00:21.980 So what do you say? We just run as fast as we can through 5 00:00:22.059 --> 00:00:27.059 this mine field of pseudo entertainment and pray for the best. Down to folk 6 00:00:27.260 --> 00:00:32.619 is a fictional comedy podcast that no one finds entertaining but you, if you 7 00:00:32.700 --> 00:00:36.689 are listening with small children. Keep up the good work. I am sure 8 00:00:36.729 --> 00:00:41.770 they will turn out just fine. Speaking of things turning out fine, I 9 00:00:42.810 --> 00:00:48.810 have just received word that the Great Baldini will be performing daily poetry readings throughout 10 00:00:48.850 --> 00:00:54.320 the month of November. He says that it is to celebrate national podcast post 11 00:00:54.399 --> 00:00:58.719 month. I believe it is because he hates you and wants you to suffer 12 00:00:59.600 --> 00:01:03.670 thirty days of poetry written thirty years ago, as the kids say. Go 13 00:01:03.829 --> 00:01:23.939 ahead and smash that unsubscribed button now, long ago. There is a winter 14 00:01:23.060 --> 00:01:29.180 coming that would be colder than any for and any sense. The harvest had 15 00:01:29.219 --> 00:01:34.370 been scarce that year and many people and many animals were worried how they would 16 00:01:34.409 --> 00:01:40.329 survive the frigid temperatures. One day, as the first flurries began to fall, 17 00:01:40.969 --> 00:01:46.250 cat approached mouse and as their stomach's both growled, he said, mouse, 18 00:01:46.930 --> 00:01:49.760 why don't we team up together? We can find food and we can 19 00:01:49.799 --> 00:01:55.159 keep each other warm throughout the season. Cat, you must be joking. 20 00:01:55.640 --> 00:02:00.079 You expect me to make house with you. A more dangerous proposition I have 21 00:02:00.280 --> 00:02:06.750 never heard in my life. Cat smiled, but my friend isn't starving slowly. 22 00:02:06.829 --> 00:02:12.629 A more dangerous proposition altogether. We can team up, a gentleman's agreement. 23 00:02:13.310 --> 00:02:16.099 I will help you and you will help me. Let us search for 24 00:02:16.219 --> 00:02:23.379 food. Mouse saw the logic and cats thinking and agreed. Placing his tiny 25 00:02:23.500 --> 00:02:28.379 paw in cats bigger one, the two set off in search of something that 26 00:02:28.460 --> 00:02:31.050 could keep their bellies full in the coming months and, his luck would have 27 00:02:31.169 --> 00:02:38.650 it, they discovered a chunk of fat. I know, but I get 28 00:02:38.689 --> 00:02:43.169 it. Beggars can't be choosers, right. They knew their more soul could 29 00:02:43.169 --> 00:02:46.400 be stolen if they weren't careful, and so they brainstormed where they could possibly 30 00:02:46.439 --> 00:02:53.360 hide their Lard Blob. They find only settled on the altar at the back 31 00:02:53.400 --> 00:02:58.590 of the church. As no one would dare profane the church by theft. 32 00:02:59.710 --> 00:03:04.550 They then set about to find a comfortable place to shelter in. As the 33 00:03:04.669 --> 00:03:08.469 weeks wore on and the ice and snow coated the ground, cat realized mouse 34 00:03:08.550 --> 00:03:13.020 would have a difficult time making it to the church, even though it was 35 00:03:13.180 --> 00:03:17.620 very close by. He said to his companion, mouse, you helped me 36 00:03:19.300 --> 00:03:23.819 and now I will help you. Let me go and retrieve our supper tonight. 37 00:03:23.979 --> 00:03:28.370 Mouse was grateful and began to start up a fire to warm them in 38 00:03:28.409 --> 00:03:32.689 the dismal cold. Cat found the slippery lump just where they had left it. 39 00:03:34.330 --> 00:03:38.969 A few blackish spots starting to form, but that's what happens when something 40 00:03:38.050 --> 00:03:44.240 rot's still. He pulled off a gummy sliver. He felt fit for dinner, 41 00:03:45.039 --> 00:03:47.840 but as he began to leave, he looked back, his stomach growling. 42 00:03:50.039 --> 00:03:53.919 One little extra bite won't hurt, and so he returned to mouse and 43 00:03:54.039 --> 00:04:00.270 they feasted on their absolute Turd of a supper. Night after night, cat 44 00:04:00.430 --> 00:04:05.669 repeated the same routine, collecting a dinner's worth of nightmares, but stealing an 45 00:04:05.750 --> 00:04:11.379 extra bit for himself. I cannot express how nasty this is, and I 46 00:04:11.580 --> 00:04:15.220 am actually feeling a bit ill. I'm shocked. CAT AND MOUSE AREN'T. 47 00:04:15.379 --> 00:04:19.339 To be honest, this is some gnarly shit. There guzzling each night. 48 00:04:20.819 --> 00:04:26.649 Eventually, the dinner portions began to become smaller and smaller, and mouse became 49 00:04:26.730 --> 00:04:31.290 suspicious. Cat, we queried, why does that dinner not seem as getting 50 00:04:31.329 --> 00:04:36.730 us before? Cat licked his paw. Oh, mouse, I'm sure there 51 00:04:36.810 --> 00:04:42.160 has been a thief. Why would a thief not take all of it then, 52 00:04:43.560 --> 00:04:48.920 dear mouse, perhaps the thief cannot carry it. Cat, I think 53 00:04:48.959 --> 00:04:55.430 you're lying to me. Let's talk this over a mouse like. Gentleman, 54 00:04:56.110 --> 00:05:00.189 here, come sit by me, my friend. Cautiously, mouse approached. 55 00:05:00.310 --> 00:05:05.670 Cat had been companions for so many months. Perhaps he had the fellow all 56 00:05:05.750 --> 00:05:11.259 wrong about the fat rot. At any rate, he was a reasonable fellow, 57 00:05:11.379 --> 00:05:15.740 and so sat beside cat, prepared for a reasonable talk. Cat Ate 58 00:05:15.779 --> 00:05:19.699 him. Look, I know, but cats can't murder, they can only 59 00:05:19.779 --> 00:05:25.730 have dinner. Right, cat's going to cat, you know. Anyway, 60 00:05:25.889 --> 00:05:30.329 he had the loaf of garbage all to himself now, so whatever good for 61 00:05:30.370 --> 00:05:38.839 him? Cat died three days later, a food poisoning. Damn, the 62 00:05:38.959 --> 00:05:58.350 story turned out to be a real pisser. Thank you, Ariel. I 63 00:05:58.550 --> 00:06:03.149 guess, Joldan, how about you? Are you ready to tell as a 64 00:06:03.230 --> 00:06:09.459 wonderful Halloween story? Of course you'll not, but we will listen anyway. 65 00:06:10.379 --> 00:06:24.529 Head down to the camp fire. You know where it is. So many 66 00:06:24.569 --> 00:06:30.050 people feared death, but once you're dead it isn't all that bad. I 67 00:06:30.170 --> 00:06:33.319 mean, yeah, your body starts to decay and will things fall off and 68 00:06:33.399 --> 00:06:38.439 shit, but other than that it's pretty fine. It's like a long, 69 00:06:38.600 --> 00:06:42.920 deep, peaceful nap on a Saturday afternoon. One might get bored, but 70 00:06:43.120 --> 00:06:47.310 really it's just so restful. The whole rest in peace motto is real. 71 00:06:48.509 --> 00:06:53.069 That is, until some asshole decides to walk through your graveyard and all of 72 00:06:53.149 --> 00:06:56.910 a sudden you are woken up and drawn to the surface. Look, I 73 00:06:57.029 --> 00:07:00.110 don't mind people walking through the graveyard, but if you are some kind of 74 00:07:00.310 --> 00:07:05.060 necromancer, please just stay the fuck away from my graveyard. The last thing 75 00:07:05.259 --> 00:07:09.980 I want to do is be awoken from my slumber and crawl out under a 76 00:07:10.060 --> 00:07:16.009 full moon and do anything. But this guy who is singing to his girlfriend 77 00:07:16.810 --> 00:07:21.490 just walks through singing and lo and behold all my dead ass neighbors and I 78 00:07:21.569 --> 00:07:27.290 are drawn dam and have to wake up, claw through coffins and dirt and 79 00:07:27.529 --> 00:07:30.199 follow him. It's like close to midnight and there's this sound of music in 80 00:07:30.240 --> 00:07:34.399 the air and we can't help ourselves and get trapped into the six sounds coming 81 00:07:34.439 --> 00:07:39.759 from this guy. We all moved towards him and his girl, circling them 82 00:07:39.920 --> 00:07:43.319 like they are prey, and I'm like, seriously, can I just go 83 00:07:43.519 --> 00:07:48.430 back to being dead? But no, the beat is infectious and all of 84 00:07:48.470 --> 00:07:55.069 a sudden we all begin to dance, like full on dance. I mean, 85 00:07:55.670 --> 00:07:59.379 when I was alive, I didn't dance because I didn't have any rhythm, 86 00:07:59.660 --> 00:08:01.939 but now, under the full moon, I'm all of a sudden fucking 87 00:08:03.019 --> 00:08:07.540 Fred Astare, and even stranger, we are all dancing together like a well 88 00:08:07.660 --> 00:08:13.769 choreographed machine, moving back and forth, arms reached up and out, and 89 00:08:13.930 --> 00:08:18.889 we are all following every move this red leather clad motherfucker is doing. And 90 00:08:18.089 --> 00:08:22.930 while I'm thrilled in the moment, I realize that I have been dead for 91 00:08:24.170 --> 00:08:30.199 a very long time and all of these sudden inspired dance moves have caused some 92 00:08:30.319 --> 00:08:33.440 of my body parts to fall off and I am really stiff in my movements. 93 00:08:35.200 --> 00:08:39.840 But I can't help but dance, and so I do it. I 94 00:08:39.000 --> 00:08:45.429 am impressed with our spontaneous cemetery flash mob. The guy's girlfriend, however, 95 00:08:46.070 --> 00:08:50.789 is not. She runs away screaming, and I'm thinking to myself, well, 96 00:08:50.830 --> 00:08:52.549 at least now I can go back to my grave and get some more 97 00:08:52.590 --> 00:09:00.500 arrest but no, the skinny ass dancing guy decides to chase after her and, 98 00:09:00.659 --> 00:09:03.899 like some weird kid to the Pied Piper, are dead asses follow the 99 00:09:03.940 --> 00:09:07.460 son of a bitch. We get to the house and the doors are locked. 100 00:09:07.980 --> 00:09:13.210 Smart girl, and the guy just starts banging on the door and we 101 00:09:13.490 --> 00:09:18.169 follow, breaking windows, doors and even busting through like Koolaid from the floor. 102 00:09:18.690 --> 00:09:22.690 And we all surround her as she screams on the couch. And then 103 00:09:24.129 --> 00:09:30.600 nothing like the lights flash on in the house and we're all standing outside with 104 00:09:30.840 --> 00:09:33.759 nothing to do. We are all in shock at the abrupt end to this 105 00:09:35.039 --> 00:09:39.190 freaky turn of events. Some of US Shrug and begin to wander off back 106 00:09:39.230 --> 00:09:43.710 to the graveyard, some just slip away into the mist. I find myself 107 00:09:43.750 --> 00:09:48.669 very tired and wanted to go back, but I'm also suddenly very, very 108 00:09:48.750 --> 00:09:54.500 hungry for brains. So I guess I'm going to find some brains before I 109 00:09:54.620 --> 00:09:58.740 head back to my grave. But seriously, what a fucked up night. 110 00:09:58.820 --> 00:10:13.649 I guess that's as close to Halloween as we will be getting this year. 111 00:10:13.850 --> 00:10:18.090 Gee, I wonder what chat has in store for us. Wilson, pick 112 00:10:18.210 --> 00:10:22.759 it, Rob Zombie, but where is chat? Dare we dream that we 113 00:10:22.840 --> 00:10:28.399 escape the week of Chats Poetic Plagiarism? Well, I guess that's it. 114 00:10:30.519 --> 00:10:35.190 Thanks for stopping by. DTF storiescom Blah, blah, blah. See you 115 00:10:35.389 --> 00:11:01.220 next week. I know, I know. No, no, don't, 116 00:11:01.460 --> 00:11:05.769 don't say anything. Please, don't say anything. Just go with me on 117 00:11:05.889 --> 00:11:09.929 this. I need your help. I'm going to give you this piece of 118 00:11:11.009 --> 00:11:15.129 paper, all right, don't, don't eat my face or whatever it is 119 00:11:15.289 --> 00:11:20.440 you do. Give you this. I'M gonna sit down at your piano, 120 00:11:20.480 --> 00:11:24.639 if that's okay. I'm going to play a little number here and I'm going 121 00:11:24.720 --> 00:11:28.960 to read a poem, but I would like you to help me Um at 122 00:11:30.039 --> 00:11:31.990 the end here and see the look in your face. And I'm sorry. 123 00:11:33.389 --> 00:11:35.470 So just go with me on this. I'll point at you when it's your 124 00:11:35.549 --> 00:11:48.779 turn. All Right, okay, all right, it's close to midnight. 125 00:11:50.059 --> 00:11:58.820 Something evil. It's lurking from the dark under the moonlight. You see a 126 00:11:58.980 --> 00:12:07.730 sight that almost stops your heart. You try to scream, but terror takes 127 00:12:07.850 --> 00:12:15.210 the sound for you make it. You start to freeze as horror looks you 128 00:12:15.570 --> 00:12:26.840 right between the eyes. You're paralyzed. You hear the door slam and realize 129 00:12:26.360 --> 00:12:35.389 there's nowhere left to run. Feel the cold hand and wonder if you'll ever 130 00:12:37.110 --> 00:12:46.460 see the sun. You close your eyes and hope that it's just imagination, 131 00:12:46.700 --> 00:12:54.500 but all the while you hear a creature creeping up behind. You're out of 132 00:12:54.580 --> 00:13:05.809 time, because this is thriller, the Thriller Night. No one's gonna save 133 00:13:05.929 --> 00:13:15.960 you from the beast out to strike. You know it's thriller, the Thriller 134 00:13:16.200 --> 00:13:37.389 Night. You're fighting for your life inside a killer thriller tonight. To darkness 135 00:13:37.509 --> 00:13:46.019 falls across the land in the midnight hours. Close at hand, creatures crawl 136 00:13:46.659 --> 00:13:56.409 in search of blood to terrorize Yo's neighborhood, and whoever shall be found without 137 00:13:56.570 --> 00:14:07.730 the soul for getting down must stand and face the hounds of Hell and rot 138 00:14:07.370 --> 00:14:16.679 inside a corpses Shell. The foulest denches in the air, the funk of 139 00:14:18.080 --> 00:14:28.110 forty thousand years and grizzly cools from every tomb are closing in to seal your 140 00:14:28.509 --> 00:14:37.659 tomb and though you fight to stay alive, your body starts to shiver. 141 00:14:41.659 --> 00:15:05.529 For no your mortal can resist the evil of the thriller. You can mean 142 00:15:05.610 --> 00:15:11.759 evil. Laugh. Now fuck off and get out of my office. You've 143 00:15:11.759 --> 00:15:16.840 been listening to a podcast of the pod fix network. Discover more audible gym's 144 00:15:16.919 --> 00:15:20.720 like this at pod fix networkcom. Make sure to catch up to the minute 145 00:15:20.759 --> 00:15:24.629 networks and Andigan's by following at pod fix on twitter, official underscore pod fix 146 00:15:24.710 --> 00:15:30.190 on Instagram, at pod fix network on Facebook, and make sure to subscribe 147 00:15:30.309 --> 00:15:33.789 to pod fix presents, wherever you choose to find podcasts the pod fix network. 148 00:15:35.149 --> 00:15:35.179 Artist owned in love